Last time around, Cororon and Pollysim won 6-5 to take the match to two games to one after what proved an inspired substitution.
This proved to be not the only clever angle that Zeri’s team had wangled that day.
‘That’s it, Florida1Cowboy – give us the profile shot of you with the fish! I can see the headlines already – Rock Star Not Only Finds Catchy Tunes, But Catches A Fine Tuna!‘
‘Yeah man, sure, always happy to help ma’ ol’ buddy-pal Scott Riggs help me reach out to my beloved fans!’
(Mutters under breath, ‘Unctuous Twat!’)
‘HEY! COWBOY! YOU BIG POOL OF CAT PIDDLE!’
‘Uhhhhh? Oh shoot! Ah, hahaha – another of my adoring fans! Sorry kid, no autographs today! I’m chilling out and kicking back!’
‘The only kicking back that going to be getting done around here today is me to you, you big cheat! I’m going to put my foot so far up your butt Mister, the paparazzi are going to have as tomorrow’s headline Florida1Cowboy Models New Converse Hats!’
”Cuse me, little girl – but what do you mean by cheat?’
Looks like Cloverstardropper’s having one of her ideas. Oh dear!
(puts on very bad hick accent) ‘What ah mean, Mister – is that Joe Jeezly is mah man – and he’s on this here island with all his floosies ahind ma back!’
‘You, you’re married to Florida1Cowboy? But you can’t be more than 15!’
‘Fifteen! Ahaha, what sort of old broad d’ya take me for – I’m only thirteen, sugarbutts!’
‘Thirteen? But how on…’
‘Hey Mister Pressman, back in the good ol’ Bay Starter you can get hitched at twelve if you can git parental and judicial consent! Just a few bungs ta the right fowks, and sending the boys round ta break the legs of dem gonzos still wannin’ ta stand in the way of our eternal bliss!’
‘You mean you used bribery and threats?’
‘Why sure, it’s the God-fearing American way, an’ you should be proud of it! Now ahm tellin’ ya, mister, I’ve put up with a lot for this man – dang ah even sold one of ma kidneys to get him bail after gettin’ caught with that there mountain goat in that dirty motel room up in Colerado, but this is just… erm, ahm I speaking too fast for you to right all this down, ma lil’ quahog spuckie?’
(Anyone reading this having a desire to start playing a banjo yet?)
‘Mr Cowboy – can you tell our readers why you’ve kept this outrage from your fans?’
‘Top Rocker In Jerry Lee Lewis Type Shocker! Wait till our readers hear this!’
‘Mister Cowboy. Is it true that you and the mountain goat were seen only last weekend stepping out together at the Cannes Film Festival?’
‘Er, um, ah – goodness, is that the time! Sorry but just remembered an urgent dental appointment – there will be an official statement from my press officer later today.’
(Thinks: ‘I’m going to kill that conniving brat for this!’)
‘Heheheheheh!’
‘Why, Whtrbit dear! Back so soon from taking Beth and Blueeyed32 to the hospital? You’ll never guess who’s at our Gnubb Park just now – Beth, with barely a mark on her! What have you to say about that?’
‘Mimble wimble nyggg nyggg nyggg nyggg…’
Think that’s Vietnamese Simlish for ‘Oh danglies, we’ve been caught!’
‘I’ve got a great idea – you and Florida1Cowboy come back to the Gnubb park, right now, and play the fourth game as the only two in your team left to play, and not only will we say no more about it, we’ll make sure those paparazzi don’t end up sending that story to their agencies – with a small administration fee of §100 000 for each of our team to defray our expenses at this going into a second day, and an extra §100 000 to cover the repairs to the park after Florida1Cowboy semtexed our barbeque! Deal? Of course it is!’
So a few quiet words, a few envelopes well stuffed with simoleons, and a promise to the paparazzi that they wouldn’t let Haily have her way with them in her dungeon if they kept schtum later, the fourth game of the match was finally ready to get under way that evening.
‘What d’ya think? Over in quarter of an hour?’
‘Couple of kids. Piece of cake. Over in ten!’
But for all the psyching up Florida1Cowboy and Whtrbt did with one another, there was no question the one overall fear on the Simpletons minds was that now the homesters were free to pick any of their players again, it was certain they’d be facing their one hotshot, Willow Tyneham, again.
But who would partner her?
‘Guess who? Shaddup and let me see you jazz hands – tee-hee-hee-hee!’
Ah, that sweet innocent face you’d never tire of punching!
‘Aye, seconded!’
Now now, Pollysim, play nicely!
Which is more than can be said for Florida1Cowboy – judging by his attempt to open the innings for Simpletons, which has been awarded an X-certificate.
Perhaps had he not decided to help himself to liberal litres of some ‘loosening up juice’ at the free bar, he’d not have found himself having to answer some new embarrassing questions from the paparazzi.
‘Florida1Cowboy – can you explain to our readers why someone that’s such an ace drummer could be such a Gnubbn00b?’
‘Mr Cowboy, do you think it will have damaged team relations that one of your batons has hit your team manager Zeri and caused what appears to be a major concussion from the master of percussion?’
‘”Major concussion” yer arse in parsley! She’s pissed as a fart n’all!’
Oh, Pollysim. For shame at such a character assassination of such a fine upstanding member of the Sims community!
‘Aye right, she’s barely standing the now! She’s been knocking the slammers back since we arrived in the afternoon – between the two of them they’d drank the place dry quicker than the Tartan Army at a World Cup Final! Check the nick of her over at the covered enclosure!’
‘***Hic!*** Dat’s un outragusss shlurr on my caricature, er, tur, er, shomething Pollyshim. ***Burp!*** Ash ewe kan ceee, my lessh, er my legsssshh, um, my feet are firmly on the ground. It’s jusssht the resht of me dat’s ducking rat-arshed! Un if ewe thunk I’m tipipissedity, wait till you see Mish Shkettle Shcreams!’
‘Na na-na, na, na-na na, na-na, nana, nee-nee, nana-noo-noo, nana-noneynoo, nana-mouskouri, uhm, ***hiccup!*** heh-heh, how dosh the wurrds of that My Comical Falange shong go again shomone?’
Oh dear. Let’s get back to the match!
Whilst Haily was challenging the giant pink elephant to a fight (‘un all uf yurr friggin’ mates n’all!’), the moment Simpletons had been dreading arrived as Willow stepped up to take the first throw of the game for Jazz-Hands Gnubb Club.
It went as badly as they’d feared – one, two, three with barely a hesitation, leaving a nervous Whtrbt with having to perform as well to keep Simpletons in the mix.
Whtrbt proved however to be no slouch, and downed two gnubbs with two deftly placed shots, and had he only put some more force into the third throw would had got a hat-trick as well instead of a weeble-wobble-but-didn’t-fall-down.
Switch was up next, and had no problems with her first throw to bring the score to 4-2.
But any hopes of a three baton finish to the game and match swiftly evaporated as twice Cloverstardropper came a cropper – throwing well short of the end pin.
‘Yeeeeeeah! Suck it up, n00bface!’
‘Meh! I always play badly when I’m hungry, or sleepy, or grumpy…’
Or any other dwarves she has as multiple personalities!
Note Haily sleeping on the bench on the other side, showing how confident she was of Switch finishing the game.
Florida1Cowboy now had the chance to restore some pride and set Whtrbt up for a possibly finish next turn if he could at least knock down one gnubb.
The flash of the paparazzi cameras didn’t put him off in the slightest as this time he pulled himself together for an impressive hat-trick to put Simpletons into a 5-4 lead!
Cloverstardropper was peeved, but worse for the Jazz-Hands team, a combination of hunger and a lack of sleep was now catching up on Willow at this crucial part of the game, as indeed it was for the rest of the team.
If Willow couldn’t win the game – and therefore match – now, there was every chance that JHGC could be caught napping literally if the match went to a fifth and final game.
Tired and hungry or not, Willow’s mood meter took a momentary upswing as she clattered down the final gnubb bunny to put her on a two baton finish for the gnubb king and the match, much to Whtrbt’s rage.
‘Er, Cororon, it might be an idea if the two of us did a moonlit flit before this all turns nasty!’
‘What Pollysim? But the game is not over yet. What could possibly happen over a game of Gnubb.’
‘Not so much the Gnubb game – more the folk getting crabby ‘cos they’re tired, drunk, about to lose the game, being Jazz-Handers or a combination of the four!’
So with Willow Tyneham up to face the King for the first time in the game, the atmosphere was electric (so electric even Haily woke up to watch!).
Five-all, and match-point.
‘Urrr, so n-no pressure on me, i-is there?’
None at all. Other than shame, humiliation, ignominy, everyone pointing and laughing at you or throwing stale hot-dogs and grannyburgers at you if you fail, of course!
‘If only Zeri and Florida1Cowboy had not drained the refreshments, as I do sorely wish to have imbibed some small tincture to settle my discombobulation prior!’
No idea what she’s on about, but it sounds like she ought to see a doctor about it…
So Willow tried to steady her shaking hand and growling stomach and take aim…
…she took her first throw…
…and the Gnubb King fell to the ground with a sharp finality.
Joy for the home side, and a tale of what might have been for the visitors.
Had they put Cororon and Pollysim in the first team, they could have had them back for the crucial fourth match. Could it have made a difference had Whtrbt played earlier? As he only got one turn, but scored a hat-trick, who’s to say whether he could have tipped the balance in one of the first two games in their favour?
For now, JHGC can enjoy their unexpected win – and §700 000 windfall c/o Florida1Cowboy’s reparations! – and Willow can enjoy a bread and jam sandwich.
For now, at any rate.
‘Just wait until she and the rest of Knaith’s Waifs discovers I’ve put Senna extract into everything in their fridge – that’ll send the Blogheads celebrations right down the pan!’
‘Ahahahahah! Nice one!’
(Thinks: ‘But you’re still getting Justin Bieber’s face tattooed on your bum cheeks again on the boat home!’)
So with JHGC having a quick Safety Dance as the celebration party starts (ending abruptly one hour later as they all start having to dash to the toilet…) that brings us to a close of the first inaugeral Gnubb Club match report.
When, where and who will the next one feature? Stay tuned to find out!
With the score at 2-0, and vampire abilities proving to be no help it was time for some tactical changes by the Simpletons squad.
‘Hee-hee-hee, if I’m about to go out, I’m gonna love going out with a bang!’
‘Florida1Cowboy, what are you doing with that widget and why did you ask Beth and I to come over to the BBQ grill?’
‘Don’t worry Blueeyed32, it’s all to improve our team play!’
Have they seen the light?
No, they’ve seen Beth and Blueeyed32 set alight!
‘Oh dear, the barbeque’s exploded. Must have been one Cloverstardropper overcooked burger too many. Right, sorry everyone, but we’ll have to stop the match for tonight and reconvene here tomorrow morning while we replace the two BBQs before Health & Safety get mad. That okay with you Zeri?’
From the lack of surprise, ever get the feeling exploding BBQ’s are a regular hazard for Jazz-Hands Gnubb Club?
‘Wahahahahah! Lovely job, this respite’s all we need to put Plan C into effect. Whtrbt, keep throwing the water pitchers over Beth, she’s bound to extinguish soon. Shay, get Blueeyed32 back to the house, we’ve some Vasaline there – assuming Florida1Cowboy hasn’t used it all up already.’
Let’s not ask. Really.
Onto the following morning, bright and sunny as ever because EA still haven’t figured out how to do weather in Sims 3, meaning perfect conditions for the third game of the Jazz-Hands Gnubb Club versus Simpletons match.
‘Morning Zeri, trust all of your team are none the worse for last night’s unfortunate events?’
‘Ah, unfortunately we had to send Blueeyed32 and Beth over to the Sacred Spleen over at Sunset Valley to tend to their burns. Whtrbt and Florida1Cowboy had to accompany them, so that’s left us with a problem regarding our team as now we’ll have to use our two substitutes since Shay and I have already played, but fear not, they’re on their way right now and shouldn’t be too long.’
‘Ahahaha, no problem at all Zeri, these things do happen. We’re happy to wait as long as it takes for them to get here.’
Haily Faber however doesn’t look as happy.
‘Elysia, you doofus! Don’t you know who their two substitutes are?’
Even less happy is Cloverstardropper.
‘If Whtrbt and Florida1Cowboy are over in Sunset Valley with their two wounded team members, well tell me who it is I saw this morning down on the beach when I was feeding the crabs last night’s left overs from the barbeque?’
Sounds like something fishy’s going on.
Indeed, they are still there.
‘Caught a bite yet?’
‘Yep!’
‘What?’
‘About a thousand sand fly bites.’
Here’s Zeri’s Plan C, delighted to be part of the sporting activities at this state of the art arena with fellow enthusiasts.
‘Herregud! What the hell is this dump? And what’s is wrong with those girls’ colouring? Do they have moon tans or something?’
‘Holy socks, Zeri! You didn’t tell me it was THEM we were playing!’
A few hours previously…
‘That’s it all settled, Shay. Cororon and Pollysim will arrive tomorrow morning, and we’ll meet them at the ground for the game while everyone else stays low until the match is well underway. Both have been putting in plenty of practice, so this ought to be a slaughter.’
‘Er, Zeri? You did tell Pollysim who the game was against, didn’t you?’
‘Whoops! Completely slipped my mind! She never asked though.’
‘Ah what the heck, it was over a year ago. All forgotten and in the past, eh?’
Now now, Haily and Hazel, play nicely!
‘Listen up, fanny baws! The only grannying around here is the sort Cororon and I are gonnae do to you bunch of undead and braindead in a minute!’
Now they’ve upset her!
‘To think she’s the first one of that lot ever to appear in here too! So much for Grant Rodiek telling us Gnubb increases sociability, fun, friends and relationships – this could end up like a day on the EA forum. Innit marvellous?’
‘Ready to hand them a lesson in the beautiful game? Polly, you’d better do the Simmie Wonderwoman impression and get changed into something more appropriate!’
Haily’s already done so, but it doesn’t appear to be making her any more prepared for the game ahead. She has the shyness trait, which does appear to have a negative effect on playing the game if there’s a lot of people near the Simmie with it. Pity for Simpletons that so many of them are hiding just now!
Hazel Tyneham made the first throw of the third match, falling short with her first baton throw at the right-of-centre bunny gnubb.
Her second throw proved to be more successful, whilst her third throw threatened to knock down Pollysim as well as the right end gnubb bunny.
‘Going to granny us, Pollysim? I don’t think so!’
‘Um, looks like the kid’s not a Gnubbn00b after all!’
Looks like anxiety at another lost game and losing the match has brought out a twinge of an old ailment as well.
(Sorry, couldn’t resist!)
‘Relax. Polly. Remember that you have on your team an international master of the game – Sweden’s the spiritual home of Gnubb after all.’
Which Cororon proved swiftly enough, tossing her first baton with little hesitation to start her account, before evening the score with her second, all in under quarter of a minute.
Now everyone knew there was a game and a half on!
Miss Skeletal Screams was in awe.
So for that matter was Pollysim.
‘Uhhhhh, can I have your autograph, wash your slimy towels in new formula Figwit, perhaps have your babies too?’
However, hopes of a hat-trick were dashed as Cororon stuck once more with her third baton. The bunny wobbled, but like Weebles didn’t fall down.
Haily was up next, taking her time to aim her shot.
But this proved to be another clean hit not resulting in a gnubb bunny going to ground.
Disheartened, Haily lined up another shot at the same one.
‘If I may beg your indulgence for a moment, but do you espy the woman sitting next to my sister in the stand?’
Yep.
‘Do you notice that she bears no slights or hurts upon her suggesting of burns?’
Yep.
‘Is it therefore not presumptious to think that in order to buy themselves time to get their substitutes over, we have been somewhat deceived by a clever ruse?’
Yep.
In fact it’s fair to say they’ve just inserted into your person up the fundament and are calling you their canines of the feminine gender.
‘Indeed. It is most disagreeable.’
That sort of thing usually tends to be so – unless you’re that way inclined!
Miss Skeletal Screams second and third throws proved no better, leaving the score at 2-2 with Pollysim now stepping up hoping to give Simpletons the advantage.
Her first baton flew high, but it flew true, as Simpletons regained the lead.
Her second however shot well wide.
While her third bounced off the bunny, which again wobbled but failed to fall…
…much to Haily and Hazel’s quiet amusement.
Their amusement didn’t last long however as the exact same thing happened to Hazel in her first throw.
Plus her second, plus her third!
Having failed to knock down a single gnubb in a full team rotation, that put Cororon with the opportunity to finish the match if her luck proved a little better than last time.
No hesitations and no problems at all with her first shot to give Simpletons a two bunny advantage.
Her second shot proved another one however falling victim to the ‘iron bunnies’, whilst her third baton flew straight into the air when she jolted thanks to Pollysim yawning suddenly.
‘Looks like Cororon’s luck’s changed for the worse. Maybe mine is about to change better?’
Sure enough, after missing by a mile with her first throw, Haily smacked two gnubb bunnies right back into their warrens to level the score, much to Pollysim’s despair.
‘Yippee! We’ve still got a chance! If Pollysim fails to win the game this turn, you’re on a three baton finish!’
Pollysim’s first throw looked good for height and speed, but clipping the last bunny on the side wasn’t enough to topple it.
She made no mistake however with her second throw, putting Simpletons at their first game point.
‘Come on Polly, you can do it!’
Pollysim threw for the match…
…it caught the Gnubb King’s crown…
…and bounced straight back out!
‘Of all the effing luck! Is this about to be another of those “And it’s disaster for Scotland!” moments in sport coming up?’
Mebbies aye…
…mebbies naw, as Hazel’s poor form continued as it took her all three batons to knock down their final bunny.
‘Ahahahaha! Let’s see your jazz hands now! Gettit up ya, bawbag!’
Haily could scarely believe they’d come so close to a comeback, only to hand it on a plate to the most consistent player throughout the match.
Three batons, one Gnubb King, and Cororon stepping up to take the third game…
…which par for the game so far, she managed with her first throw.
The Gnubb King’s flat, the baton’s flat, but Simpletons‘ chances in the match certainly aren’t as Cororon and Pollysim win the game to pull it back to 2-1.
‘The result was never in doubt. We just took a little longer to get there, that’s all. Now it’s time to step up a gear. Anyone for an anchovy margurita?’
So with Simpletons back in the match, it’s onto the fourth game next time. Can Simpletons draw level, or will the homesters succeed with their second bite at the cherry?
You’ll find out next week!
So it’s the second game of the Jazz-Hands Gnubb Club versus Simpletons match, this time it’s the battle of the team captains, with Zeri and Blueeyed32 stepping up to take on Elysia Knaith and Rowan Tyneham.
Shay (Gramcrackers) and Beth (GreenB70) are taking time out to reflect upon the first match.
‘Maybe Shay there’s some sort of book you can read to become better at this.’
‘Yeah, I’m sure there’s a Gnubb For Dummies in Walmart, you fracking Gnubbnoob!’
‘Ooo, I’m really not up for this, that round of Alternative Absinthe cocktails Florida1Cowboy made are kicking back already.’
Alternative Absinthe?
‘1 part lime, one part crème de menthe, a hint of wormwood and one paint remover.’
Erm, didn’t you notice any difference in taste?
‘Not sure, but I know I’m noticing a difference in the number of braincells I had at the start of the day!’
Indulging in something a little healthier are Willow Tyneham and Cloverstardropper – marginally.
‘If I may I beg your indulgence, but I must stress that my partaking of a hotdog is purely for religious reasons.’
Religious?
‘I am a Discordian, and I must partake of a hotdog on a Friday in tribute to the Goddess Eris, who did partake of a hotdog after the Original Snub.’
Oh really, that is incredibly uninteresting, thank you for wasting 10 seconds of everyone’s life with that bloody facile anecdote.
So what about you Switch, are you a Discordian as well?
‘Am I Peggyhair! I’m eating a hot dog because I’m a greedy sod. The only supernatural entities I have faith in are Chuck Norris and Twallan. Anyone got a Sprite?’
So the second game began, with Blueeyed32 being first up to throw.
‘Ahem, can we just skip the bit about my first attempts?’
Yes, it was that bad!
Elysia was up next.
She screwed up the first one, but it was second time lucky with her next throw.
‘At which juncture, I would like to give my heartmostfelt commendations at her most splendid performance on the Gnubb field, but alas I must instead wish the f**ker was eaten by termites with halitosis.’
That’s the spirit! Sportsmanship to the uppermost.
Elysia completely screwed up her final throw, much to Rowan’s embarrassment.
That left Zeri clear to snatch back the initiative with the score only being at 0-1.
Only for the initiative to be not so much as pinched, never mind snatched.
Three throws, one fell short, one fell long, and one fell into a coma waiting to hit a single Gnubb all game.
Rowan fared no better. This was beginning to look like it was going to be a long game.
‘This is the point where our fortunes turn!’
Sure enough, Blueeyed32 took the score to 1-1.
‘This is the turnaround, Shay – we’ll have them licked before sunfall!’
‘Not good. Even if they don’t, by sunfall Zeri’s vampire abilities will kick in and we’ll get flattened! Better step up a gear here!’
Which is exactly what Elysia did, knocking down two to set Rowan up for a three throw finish.
A turn of events that was accepted with good grace by the Simpletons team!
However what followed was a series of blanks from both sides, so soon Zeri was left to worry whether they’d complete the game before dawn!
Or before everyone choked to death on Cloverstardropper’s cooking…
Or Shay drank the entire of the bar.
‘We wouldn’t mind, but her “one for the road,” has gone on to be “one for the kerb”, “one for the pavement”, and now she’s now up to “one for the roof and bathroom”. She’s having a night on the tiles! Innit marvellous?’
Back with the match, and Rowan managed to break the deadlock by knocking down two more to put the game at 5-2.
But then completely fluffed going for the king as she watched Shay down her 20th glass of the day, and began to worry what would happen when they told her there were no bathroom facilities available.
‘Bwahahahahha! She n00bed it instead of gnubbed it!’
That put Zeri (who swapped turns for some reason with Blueeyed32 after the latter tried to leave the match to grab a hotdog) in with a chance to bring the match level, and she got two pins. But that still left them hoping on Elysia fluffing her next three throws at the King.
‘Now would be a really good time for Florida1Cowboy to cook up another cunning plan to put her off!’
Unfortunately, he was cooking up something else entirely.
‘Arrrgh! We need his help, and like a typical bloody man he’s too busy tossing his sausage!’
So Elysia stepped up with three shots to win the second game.
But she only needed one.
By the way, are your dirty minds thinking the same about this picture? Thought so.
‘Did you think as well that the vampire trait would work the same as the Athletic trait in making Zeri better at Gnubb than the rest of us? She came on for the match when the sun was going down to lessen the chance of it affecting her play, but it appears that being a vampire makes you no better and no worse than anyone else. Come to that, the Athletic and Martial arts traits don’t appear to be that much of an advantage either, contrary to the game guides. Innit marvellous?’
Not that everyone was paying any attention at this point, Beth for instance was warning Willow that she’d heard that they’d better watch when they were heading for home later as she’d heard that the undead roamed around this part of the Sims world –which since Willow just happened to be one of those in question left her lost for a reply.
(Why else did you think she and her sisters are that colour? Did you think they were Berry Sweet Simmies?)
‘2-0 down, and now we’ve got to win the next game to stay in the match! Things surely can’t get any worse?’
‘Er, anyone care for one of Cloverstardropper’s carbon burgers?’
‘Scrub that last question!’
‘Look Florida1Cowboy, come up with something to get us back into the match next round, and we promise not to let Zeri tattoo Justin Bieber’s face on your bum cheeks the next time you’re drunk – deal?’
‘Wha – wait a minute? So you were the ones behind it last time?’
Can Simpletons win the third game and stay in the match? Report on the third game to follow soon!
Gnubb Parks for your Gnubb Clubs
Gnubb Parks for those of you wanting to try out running some Gnubb Club matches of your own or would just like to add these to your game towns/worlds.
Available in Sims3pack formats, if you want them as packages to put into the Library directory, just ask.
As far as was possible, the content used has been base game only, although you will need Ambitions to play the game of Gnubb anyway (and you’ll need Late Night for the arcade games, dart board and musical instruments in the Gnubb & Leisure Park version), but there’s nothing to stop you downloading these and converting them to some other outdoor purpose if you like.
Enjoy!
Welcome Gnubb-hubbers and Gnubb-n00bers alike to the inaugural Gnubb Club match, with Jazz-Hands Gnubb Club taking on that from Simpletons.
The format is simple, both teams have six players each, two playing against two at a time.
Each team gets three batons for one player to throw per turn, and the object is to throw them underarm at your opponents five bunny gnubbs to knock them all down before trying to knock over the nearer (but heavier) King Gnubb to win the game.
Matches are played over the best of five games.
In emergencies (toilet or otherwise) a player can be substituted mid-game for another in their team that has not yet played, but a substituted player – whether on or off – cannot play any subsequent games in the match until all other unplayed members in their team have played at least one game to a finish first.
If that leaves a team having to play a subsequent match with only one player, the overall Gnubb Rule of TTGN (‘Tough Tittie Gnubb N00b!’) applies.
———————————————————————————-
From Simpletons comes a squad consisting of: Zeri, Shay (Gramcrackers), Beth (GreenB70), Florida1Cowboy, Blueeyed32 and Whtrbt, with Pollysim and Cororon as reserves should anything untoward happen.
So who did they expect to be their star player for the day?
Care to comment Whtrbt?
‘Shay’s the one for number one!’
‘Hey, hey, hey, it’s a beautiful Shay day!’
‘Pffffffffffffffffffffft! May her poos be forever jaggy!***‘
***Ancient curse from Sims Medieval times from the days of chamber pots, no soft bum paper and a lot more wholegrains in the diet.
Ahem, thank you Willow, sporting as ever.
Yes, Shay was the one both sides had their hopes -and fears – pinned on before the start.
There was some trouble beforehand however from Zeri and Florida1Cowboy.
‘Here! Come back at once!’
‘Eat my shorts, Elysia! We’re not missing the first show of the new series of South Park for anything – we’ll come back later!’
‘Tsch! Innit marvellous?’
(Zeri and Florida1Cowboy kept running away, no matter what was tried with Twallan’s Mastercontroller. Gave up, and they returned of their own accord shortly after!)
Haily (from Skeletal Screams Blogspot) also had other ideas.
‘Can we play baseball instead?’
No, Haily – we cannot play baseball. They haven’t invented it for Simmies yet.
‘Can we garrote the losing team as a tribute to the goddess Pele?’
Er, no Haily, we can’t do that either.
Crestfallen, Haily chose to go and mix drinks instead. Would you want to try a drink from a juice bartender with that look on their face?
‘Does that mean cocktails are off?’
Unless you want ones with the adjective lethal applied in front, yes Zeri.
‘Mind if I run off again to find myself a drinkable with ice and a slice?’
Shay was looking pretty lethal in her pre-match warm up with her chosen team partner Beth, which was probably the reason for the reluctance of the home side to get a duo together prepared to face them first up.
Finally however Elysia persuaded Willow who in turn succeeded in persuading Switch to take part (under pain of telling Haily that she wanted to play ‘How High Can You Try?’ with Haily’s adjustable voltage electric chair), both hoping they weren’t going to get well Gnubbed at the hands of Shay. Switch kept on her Half-Life t-shirt in protest as being press-ganged into the game.
Shay let the homesters (or should that be homsars in Switch’s case?) begin the match. Very sporting.
With Willow electing to pick up the wood first.
Three throws, and three strikes. Now it was Shay’s turn, while Beth sloped off to have a quick bite to eat before her own.
By the time all four had a turn each, it was clear the game wasn’t going according to the script.
Simpletons were trailing 4-1, the only point coming from Shay, with Willow up next needing only two hits from three batons to take the first game.
The first baton hit the bunny gnubb, but –
– it didn’t fall.
‘Ha ha, kid – suck it up! There goes your beginners luck!’
Switch could barely watch as Willow applied the maxim of if at first you don’t succeed –
– try –
– try again!
‘Oh rats!’
‘Oh double rats!’
Shay knew she had to score a hat-trick to keep Simpletons in the game, which she duly did in lightning fashion, leaving the score at 5-4, with Switch up next and three bites at the Gnubb king cherry. The way she’d been throwing, she was going to need it!
‘Ye Gods! What is that confounded cacophony?’
‘Mwahahahahha! Our secret weapon!’
‘Don’t mind me ladies, man’s gotta put in some practice before ma next gig! Hope I’m not putting you off your throw or anything, sweetheart!’
Oooo, what a dirty trick – setting up his drumkit to give Switch a sarcastic drumroll as she teed up her shots at the King Gnubb!
(This really did happen in the game by the way, Florida1Cowboy!)
Cloverstardrop’s first throw went wide, the second gave the King a glancing blow, that caused a brief wobble, but no more.
‘Why, the big cheating bumnugget! It’s not British, and it’s not cricket!’
But Florida1Cowboy’s not British, and this sure ain’t cricket!
Nothing in the rules that says you can’t indulge in a bit of gamesmanship to put your opponents off their game. Just imagine what it’s going to be like when Generations comes along!
Now just wanting to get her turn over with, Switch hurried her last throw.
‘I don’t believe it!’
‘I don’t believe it!’
First game to Jazz-Hands Gnubb Club.
Shay and Beth were left to wonder where they’d gone wrong.
Willow and Cloverstardrop to wonder where they’d gone right, the latter gracefully accepting their unexpected victory.
‘Nyaaaah! So much for your little drummer boy! Bow down to my crabbiness!
‘Nyaaaah! One Switch fluke does not a summer make! It takes you three turns to hit just one Gnubb. Next game with the same teams as before, and you’re doing DOOOOWN, right Shay?’
‘Er, right.’
(Thinks: ‘Damn! Now I can’t get rid of her for Florida1Cowboy!’)
‘Oh, it’s ON sista, it’s ON! You’re gonna get SERVED! Right, Willow?’
‘Um, yes. I haven’t been this excited since Mama took us to Dolstekov’s exhibition at the Louve of his latest works in abstract paint drying.’
Looks like Elysia’s not the only one with much on her plate.
‘Of course, they’re assuming there’s going to be a fourth match to play. Meh – who am I kidding, of course there will be. We suck at this! Gnubb’s just an excuse for us to eat a lot of badly cooked BBQed food. But shhhhhh – don’t let Zeri and the rest know, they postponed a match against Boolprop Fight The Addiction False for this thinking we’re pros!’
One game gone, it’s one-nil for the home side, and still all to play for – report on the second game of the match to follow soon!
Gnubb Club
Poly Styrene and X-Ray Spex
This was originally intended for posting yesterday to coincide with the release in the rest of the world of Poly Styrene’s fab new album ‘Generation Indigo’ that has rightly received rave reviews from all quarters. Poly’s best known for her first band X-Ray Spex, one of the pioneers of punk.
Tragically, Poly had died in her sleep sometime on Monday night as a result of breast, lung and spinal cancer combined with complications from breaking her back three months ago. She was only 53.
So in memory of Poly (and her bandmate Jak who died back in 2004 also from cancer), here’s a collection of t-shirts and hooded tops featuring various motifs from X-Ray Spex first album and the artwork of Poly Styrene’s final album.
Will fit Teen, Young Adult and Adults.
All items are recolourable, but the logos aren’t.
As there’s no Teen Male hooded top with the basic pack, there’s a Teen Male Tracksuit top instead.
Please also find four posters along with a photo of Poly Styrene (taken shortly before her death) as pictures for your Sims 3 game.
The frames are recolourable.
Please note that you must have the Sims 3 Design & High Tech Stuff pack for some of them, but you ought to know that by now, shouldn’t you?
The folder contains jpgs of each package’s picture so you can easily keep the ones you want and delete those you don’t to save yourself some diskspace.
To use, download, unzip, and drop the contained folder into your The Sims 3\mods\packages folder and they should show up.
Enjoy!
In conjunction with The Mare’s Nest.
Half-Life: Headcrabs + Watermelons = Love
Half-Life 2 and sequence did much thanks to the gentle playful Lamarr to restore the reputation of Headcrabs – those much maligned and misunderstood creatures all because they happen to find human brains quite delicious.
So does Hannibal Lecter, but no one criticises him, just because he’s a doctor and stuff, so that makes it alright then, huh?
Jazz-Hands believes these noble creatures are long overdue rehabilitation. Breakthrough research by Cloverstardrop proves conclusively that headcrabs are perfectly harmless so long as they have access to watermelons.
If Gordon Freeman and his friends keep getting attacked by them, that’s his own silly fault for not carrying a watermelon with him. If he didn’t go around swinging that crowbar as well, perhaps they might not overreact to feeling threatened.
Wouldn’t a simple ‘Shoo! Go away naughty headcrab!’ suffice? It works perfectly well in The Sims 3 with all subjects, does it not? Note also there is ample supply of watermelons in Sims 3. Do Simmies ever get attacked by headcrabs? No.
Let’s shame those silly Half-Wit people until they mend their caputkabourophobiac ways. Wear your headcrab with watermelon t-shirt with pride!
T-shirts featuring some motifs from the Half-Life series.
Will fit Teen, Young Adult and Adults.
All items are recolourable, but the logos aren’t.
Simply unzip and drop into your mods/package folder, and they should show up.
Enjoy!
R.E.M.
To celebrate/commiserate (delete according to opinion) the release of R.E.M.’s fifteen studio album, ‘Collapse Into Now’, here’s a collection of fifty two T-shirts and two sets of hooded tops featuring various motifs from their record artwork over the years, plus some stuff ripped from their videos, and a few original pieces as well.
Will fit Teen, Young Adult and Adults.
All items are recolourable, but the logos aren’t.
As there’s no Teen Male hooded top with the basic pack, there’s a Teen Male Tracksuit top instead.
Please also find a collection of 19 promotional posters, pictures and various R.E.M. related thingymajigs available as pictures for your Sims 3 game.
The frames are recolourable.
Please note that you must have the Sims 3 Design & High Tech Stuff pack for some of them, but you ought to know that by now, shouldn’t you?
The folder contains jpgs of each package’s picture so you can easily keep the ones you want and delete those you don’t to save yourself some diskspace.
To use, download, unzip, and drop the contained folder into your The Sims 3\mods\packages folder and they should show up.
Enjoy!
In conjunction with The Mare’s Nest.
File Under Water.
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The Mare's Nest
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