Gnubb Club – Matchday 1: Jazz-Hands GC vs Simpletons GC – Game 3

With the score at 2-0, and vampire abilities proving to be no help it was time for some tactical changes by the Simpletons squad.

‘Hee-hee-hee, if I’m about to go out, I’m gonna love going out with a bang!’

‘Florida1Cowboy, what are you doing with that widget and why did you ask Beth and I to come over to the BBQ grill?’

‘Don’t worry Blueeyed32, it’s all to improve our team play!’

Have they seen the light?

No, they’ve seen Beth and Blueeyed32 set alight!

‘Oh dear, the barbeque’s exploded. Must have been one Cloverstardropper overcooked burger too many. Right, sorry everyone, but we’ll have to stop the match for tonight and reconvene here tomorrow morning while we replace the two BBQs before Health & Safety get mad. That okay with you Zeri?’

From the lack of surprise, ever get the feeling exploding BBQ’s are a regular hazard for Jazz-Hands Gnubb Club?

‘Wahahahahah! Lovely job, this respite’s all we need to put Plan C into effect. Whtrbt, keep throwing the water pitchers over Beth, she’s bound to extinguish soon. Shay, get Blueeyed32 back to the house, we’ve some Vasaline there – assuming Florida1Cowboy hasn’t used it all up already.’

Let’s not ask. Really.

Onto the following morning, bright and sunny as ever because EA still haven’t figured out how to do weather in Sims 3, meaning perfect conditions for the third game of the Jazz-Hands Gnubb Club versus Simpletons match.

‘Morning Zeri, trust all of your team are none the worse for last night’s unfortunate events?’

‘Ah, unfortunately we had to send Blueeyed32 and Beth over to the Sacred Spleen over at Sunset Valley to tend to their burns. Whtrbt and Florida1Cowboy had to accompany them, so that’s left us with a problem regarding our team as now we’ll have to use our two substitutes since Shay and I have already played, but fear not, they’re on their way right now and shouldn’t be too long.’

‘Ahahaha, no problem at all Zeri, these things do happen. We’re happy to wait as long as it takes for them to get here.’

Haily Faber however doesn’t look as happy.

‘Elysia, you doofus! Don’t you know who their two substitutes are?’

Even less happy is Cloverstardropper.

‘If Whtrbt and Florida1Cowboy are over in Sunset Valley with their two wounded team members, well tell me who it is I saw this morning down on the beach when I was feeding the crabs last night’s left overs from the barbeque?’

Sounds like something fishy’s going on.

Indeed, they are still there.

‘Caught a bite yet?’

‘Yep!’

‘What?’

‘About a thousand sand fly bites.’

Here’s Zeri’s Plan C, delighted to be part of the sporting activities at this state of the art arena with fellow enthusiasts.

‘Herregud! What the hell is this dump? And what’s is wrong with those girls’ colouring? Do they have moon tans or something?’

‘Holy socks, Zeri! You didn’t tell me it was THEM we were playing!’

A few hours previously…

‘That’s it all settled, Shay. Cororon and Pollysim will arrive tomorrow morning, and we’ll meet them at the ground for the game while everyone else stays low until the match is well underway. Both have been putting in plenty of practice, so this ought to be a slaughter.’

‘Er, Zeri? You did tell Pollysim who the game was against, didn’t you?’

‘Whoops! Completely slipped my mind! She never asked though.’

‘Ah what the heck, it was over a year ago. All forgotten and in the past, eh?’

Now now, Haily and Hazel, play nicely!

‘Listen up, fanny baws! The only grannying around here is the sort Cororon and I are gonnae do to you bunch of undead and braindead in a minute!’

Now they’ve upset her!

‘To think she’s the first one of that lot ever to appear in here too! So much for Grant Rodiek telling us Gnubb increases sociability, fun, friends and relationships – this could end up like a day on the EA forum. Innit marvellous?’

‘Ready to hand them a lesson in the beautiful game? Polly, you’d better do the Simmie Wonderwoman impression and get changed into something more appropriate!’

Haily’s already done so, but it doesn’t appear to be making her any more prepared for the game ahead. She has the shyness trait, which does appear to have a negative effect on playing the game if there’s a lot of people near the Simmie with it. Pity for Simpletons that so many of them are hiding just now!

Hazel Tyneham made the first throw of the third match, falling short with her first baton throw at the right-of-centre bunny gnubb.

Her second throw proved to be more successful, whilst her third throw threatened to knock down Pollysim as well as the right end gnubb bunny.

‘Going to granny us, Pollysim? I don’t think so!’

‘Um, looks like the kid’s not a Gnubbn00b after all!’

Looks like anxiety at another lost game and losing the match has brought out a twinge of an old ailment as well.

(Sorry, couldn’t resist!)

‘Relax. Polly. Remember that you have on your team an international master of the game – Sweden’s the spiritual home of Gnubb after all.’

Which Cororon proved swiftly enough, tossing her first baton with little hesitation to start her account, before evening the score with her second, all in under quarter of a minute.

Now everyone knew there was a game and a half on!

Miss Skeletal Screams was in awe.

So for that matter was Pollysim.

‘Uhhhhh, can I have your autograph, wash your slimy towels in new formula Figwit, perhaps have your babies too?’

However, hopes of a hat-trick were dashed as Cororon stuck once more with her third baton. The bunny wobbled, but like Weebles didn’t fall down.

Haily was up next, taking her time to aim her shot.

But this proved to be another clean hit not resulting in a gnubb bunny going to ground.

Disheartened, Haily lined up another shot at the same one.

‘If I may beg your indulgence for a moment, but do you espy the woman sitting next to my sister in the stand?’

Yep.

‘Do you notice that she bears no slights or hurts upon her suggesting of burns?’

Yep.

‘Is it therefore not presumptious to think that in order to buy themselves time to get their substitutes over, we have been somewhat deceived by a clever ruse?’

Yep.

In fact it’s fair to say they’ve just inserted into your person up the fundament and are calling you their canines of the feminine gender.

‘Indeed. It is most disagreeable.’

That sort of thing usually tends to be so – unless you’re that way inclined!

Miss Skeletal Screams second and third throws proved no better, leaving the score at 2-2 with Pollysim now stepping up hoping to give Simpletons the advantage.

Her first baton flew high, but it flew true, as Simpletons regained the lead.

Her second however shot well wide.

While her third bounced off the bunny, which again wobbled but failed to fall…

…much to Haily and Hazel’s quiet amusement.

Their amusement didn’t last long however as the exact same thing happened to Hazel in her first throw.

Plus her second, plus her third!

Having failed to knock down a single gnubb in a full team rotation, that put Cororon with the opportunity to finish the match if her luck proved a little better than last time.

No hesitations and no problems at all with her first shot to give Simpletons a two bunny advantage.

Her second shot proved another one however falling victim to the ‘iron bunnies’, whilst her third baton flew straight into the air when she jolted thanks to Pollysim yawning suddenly.

‘Looks like Cororon’s luck’s changed for the worse. Maybe mine is about to change better?’

Sure enough, after missing by a mile with her first throw, Haily smacked two gnubb bunnies right back into their warrens to level the score, much to Pollysim’s despair.

‘Yippee! We’ve still got a chance! If Pollysim fails to win the game this turn, you’re on a three baton finish!’

Pollysim’s first throw looked good for height and speed, but clipping the last bunny on the side wasn’t enough to topple it.

She made no mistake however with her second throw, putting Simpletons at their first game point.

‘Come on Polly, you can do it!’

Pollysim threw for the match…

…it caught the Gnubb King’s crown…

…and bounced straight back out!

‘Of all the effing luck! Is this about to be another of those “And it’s disaster for Scotland!” moments in sport coming up?’

Mebbies aye…

…mebbies naw, as Hazel’s poor form continued as it took her all three batons to knock down their final bunny.

‘Ahahahaha! Let’s see your jazz hands now! Gettit up ya, bawbag!’

Haily could scarely believe they’d come so close to a comeback, only to hand it on a plate to the most consistent player throughout the match.

Three batons, one Gnubb King, and Cororon stepping up to take the third game…

…which par for the game so far, she managed with her first throw.

The Gnubb King’s flat, the baton’s flat, but Simpletons‘ chances in the match certainly aren’t as Cororon and Pollysim win the game to pull it back to 2-1.

‘The result was never in doubt. We just took a little longer to get there, that’s all. Now it’s time to step up a gear. Anyone for an anchovy margurita?’

So with Simpletons back in the match, it’s onto the fourth game next time. Can Simpletons draw level, or will the homesters succeed with their second bite at the cherry?

You’ll find out next week!