The Lonely Island Chronicles: Episode 1 – ‘Take Me Back To Skyrim, Because Morthal Is My Kinda Town.’
Welcome to Lonely Island. Created and owned by Rflong7/13, but taken over by some undead Simmies for a bit of peace and quiet from a Sims world they are convinced are all stark raving mad. It is a sanctuary for the much maligned Butterfly of Doom and many other maligned and misunderstood species of Sims nature.
Rflong7/13 has no qualms over their residence – or at least she’s not asked for any rent yet.
Episode 1: ‘Take Me Back To Skyrim, Because Morthal Is My Kinda Town.’
Over at Tyneham Castle are the Tyneham sisters, Hazel, Rowan and Willow, whose premature deaths in 1919 during the Spanish Flu pandemic ruined their summer holiday.
Bad enough they were in Twinbrook on holiday in the first place. But being buried in Ivy Hill Graveyard with those that gave them that fatal flu rather put the tin lid on it, or rather the tin coffin lid in their cases.
(Twinbrook emergency health regulations of the time, before you ask)
They didn’t even manage to get a stick of rock. If Twinbrook has seaside rock, that is.
Now they’re on Lonely Island in a facsimile of their ancestral home of Tyneham Castle, they are without peer the most cultured of the island’s residents.
Here we see Willow (left) and Rowan (right) engaging in an earnest discussion over restoring some of the original Italianate architectural details added by Inigo Jones in the 17th Century.
‘I do so hope that this Misty Grove will present us with some suitable treasures, for this has proven a most troublesome quest.’
‘Indeed. If we are presented at the conclusion with another tiresome daedric armament, I do so hope we are presented with the option of requesting that the Sir inserts the gifted utensil into his fundament forthwith!’
Okay, who was the bumnugget that brought copies of The Elder Scrolls V onto Lonely Island? Is there nowhere in the world left that’s immune to the wretched game?
Perhaps the youngest sister Hazel is partaking of something a little more cerebral.
‘It is a puzzlement, but after hours of study I am nowhere yet nearer to an answer. I fear I shall have to confer with my sisters, and yet remain none the wiser.’
A question of the Greek Metres? The historical debate as to the true military significance played by Joan of Arc in the Hundred Years War? The dichotomous paradox of the Zurich Letters?
‘Why does the waterwheel at Morthal turn in the opposite direction to the flow of the river current? T’is most vexing.’
An education courtesy of the finest tutors in the British Empire, and all she’s interested in broadening is her knowledge of the empire of Skyrim. Shagmendous!
‘Um, Rowan, do you think we ought to retire for the night?’
‘I suppose you’re right. After one more quest. It is after all four in the morning’.
Yes, they are sleeping in what you can see behind them, despite Elysia telling them they don’t have to sleep in coffins just because they’re undead. Lucky the Isle of Sims branch of Ikea had a special 3 for 2 offer on coffin beds (‘dead comfortable eternal rest!’) that week.
‘What I don’t understand is that we have achieved all the objectives required for this part of the Jarl of Whiterun’s quest, yet the game is failing to reveal the easter egg that was promised.’
‘Are you sure Willow that you remember what you learned correctly?’
‘I am sure I have counted them correctly. Fifty Eidar cheese wheels, fifty goat cheese wheels, fifty bottles of ordinary wine, fifty bottles of Alto wine.’
‘But yet it has not activated the unlock whereupon the Jarldom of Whiterun is handed over to me?’
‘Perhaps one also needs to present the Jarl with fifty bottles of Black-Briar Reserve?’
‘I don’t remember Elysia mentioning Black-Briar Reserve in her instructions. Do you think perhaps she has chosen to make a sport of us?’
Not sure about a sport. A pair of Charlies certainly.
While the Tyneham sisters are busy rotting their brains, over at Cloverstardrop Keep, young Switch appears to be doing much of the same.
‘Um, this doesn’t appear to be working.’
This had better be another of those cheap jokes about cooking grannies coming up!
‘I still can’t get the bard in the Bannered Mare to play “Particle Man”, even though I must have typed in Boolprop MusicCheatiTunesList True into the console about fifty times!’
Amazing what you can get others to believe when you tell them you have the Official Game Guide.
‘If I thought for one moment that Elysia was having me on…’
Look like Elysia’s going to be getting thumped rather than thu’umed when certain Lonely Islanders catch up with her!
The Elder Scrolls V – Skyrim. Now it’s SkySim!
A collection of twenty one t-shirts featuring various motifs from Bethesda’s beautiful game that you all ought to have bought by now and will find yourselves playing as long as you play Sims 3.
Probably longer, as there appears to be less game fatal bugs. Or at least less game fatal patches for bugs (may all of EA’s program coding department fart in their pants and follow through)
The t-shirts will fit Teen, Young Adult and Adults.
All items are recolourable, but the logos aren’t (recolourable logo versions were attempted with the hold and guild logos, but they did not come out the way desired. May try again later).
Please also find a collection of six poster style pictures, fourteen 2×1 format pictures and thirty wall sized murals for your Sims 3 game.
The poster style pictures use a mesh by Yarona at Sims Modeli and the wall sized murals use a mesh which comes once again with many thanks from Helen-Sims, so you do not need any stuff packs for this to work – it’s all base game friendly.
The frames are recolourable.
To use, download, unzip, and drop the contained folder into your The Sims 3\mods\packages folder and they should show up.
Enjoy!
Merry Christmas!
All the very best to everyone that’s visited, downloaded or just wished Jazz-Hands well over the past year.
Sorry about not being very active (exams), but expect a few nice surprises in the not too distant future.
In the meantime, have a happy Christmas/Yuletide and hope it is both fun and safe for you all.
A collection of six T-shirts featuring various motifs from Canada’s answer to ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ and ‘Charmed’ (pity they never read the question properly!).
Will fit Teen, Young Adult and Adults.
All items are recolourable, but the logos aren’t.
There’s also the cheerleader’s outfit and the college jacket thrown in too.
Please also find a collection of thirteen promotional posters, six pictures and five murals for your Sims 3 game.
The pictures use a mesh by Yarona at Sims Modeli, the posters use a mesh by SweetyBlacky, and the wall sized murals use a mesh which comes once again with many thanks from Helen-Sims, so you do not need any stuff packs for this to work – it’s all base game friendly.
The frames are recolourable.
To use, download, unzip, and drop the contained folder into your The Sims 3\mods\packages folder and they should show up.
Enjoy!
For those who haven’t yet seen this very silly (and slightly gross) show, it centres around a teen stoner who rashly steals the Book Of Pure Evil from a display cabinet, with the result he and his ragbag of friends – Jenny (the token hot chick), Curtis (the token dopey sickkick) and Hannah (the token cute geek) – spend every episode trying to undo the book’s latest fiendish plan to destroy their school or world and make life really suck.
Todd’s gang are aided and hindered by Jimmy the Janitor (Jay Mewes from ‘Jay & Silent Bob’) and by Atticus, the show-stealing guidance councillor: no noble Rupert Giles, but working secretly with the town’s governing Satanists (run by his dad) trying to get the book for themselves – despite evidence every episode the book’s more trouble than it’s worth.
Running to the old ‘Be Careful What You Wish For’ plot device, the book fulfils some Crowley High school student’s wish (get slim, get the person of their dreams, etc) but at a twisted cost – it is the Book of Pure Evil after all. The book thereafter seeks out a new victim, which in a building full of shallow selfish teenagers leaves it a little spoilt for choice.
Currently running in Canada and the U.S.A., they’re trying to find a station willing to take it in the U.K.
Didn’t bother with the one year anniversary of this place back in August.
Do the blog, post it, think what to do next. Summit to do when there’s a spare moment in life. What you see is what you get. That’s how it rolls.
But as it is now a year since two unsavoury communications reached these parts, it’s time they received an airing, as a reminder of one of the reasons this blog began in the first place and what has come to pass.
Both comments were received in response to ‘A Tale For Halloween’, the tongue-in-cheek first ‘official’ piece at Jazz-Hands upon it going public.
Reckoned some were not going to be happy about it, but in the event most people thought it a giggle (consider its connection to a certain other blog!), with only two notorious morons who had been complete liabilities to the forum that had inspired the blog were pathetic enough to spit their dummies about it.
Here’s the first one:
This charmer is one Ravenamy (or Ravenemy in some places), someone who just about cried herself to sleep when Aarin was banned from the EA forum.
Not because she liked the way Aarin was helpful to people about their game. She had not been involved in the Sims community long enough to know Aarin or her mates properly. What Ravenamy liked was Aarin bullying people for being nooby and treating them like dirt.
Which kinda lets you know what kinda person this Ravenamy is.
She was one of Aarin’s false friends who joined her post-explusion forum@jazz-hands which was going to take over the Sims world, or so they all thought.
As you can see, her opinion of fellow Sims enthusiasts didn’t amount to much, even though she had hardly been on the official Sims 3 forum of EA long enough to judge – Aarin being expelled only the day after she started posting.
Her comment about ‘wearing helmets’ refers to this.
People with certain severe handicaps need to wear these as there is the risk of injury to themselves. It doesn’t mean those having to wear them are mentally handicapped – people with cerebral palsy such as Simon Stevens (above, CEO of Enable Enterprises and a university graduate) have to because of the daily risk of falling down over in the street or even a flight of stairs.
Lovely person, that Ravenamy. Not.
That alias she chose to post to Jazz-Hands under (she always used alias when trolling as she’s such a pathetic coward) was the admin account of Let Us Eat Babies – a forum she ran with a number of the other self-styled ‘bad kids’ from forum@jazz-hands.net. Like everything else they did, it failed due to their usual lack of direction and discipline.
The other post received however was beyond laughter as much it was beyond contempt, but before looking at it, just to clarify what the next correspondent was raving about, she saw Jazz-Hands as some sort of sideline of The Mare’s Nest – rather than a blog started by someone that was also involved with another blog elsewhere. Lateral thinking was never her strong point however, so you must make allowances.
The Mare’s Nest‘s relationship with forum@jazz-hands.net was kinda Hazel-rah and the Efrafans (if you’ve ever read ‘Watership Down’, which you should. Now!), trying to save them from destroying themselves. It was just about the only place that ever mentioned them, as most regarded forum@jazz-hands.net members as scum thanks to their trolling on others blogs and forums.
Off-blog, we had lots of arguments about them. Lots.
Unfortunately, this particular Efrafa had far too many Vervains and not one Captain Campion, and proved a lost cause, but that’s another tale.
Now for the missive.
For the record, a lot of people outside of the forum@jazz-hands.net orbit would refuse to have given VintageLydia (LyrianFleur on the official Sims 3 forum) their e-mail address, particularly after she and her friends bullied an old lady called Tussy there. She was daft, dangerous, and as plenty learned the hard way, destructive, causing trouble everywhere she went.
So try to get your head around this.
Upon the demise of the forum about Sims 3 they had been a member of, that is forum@jazz-hands.net, your humble narrator wanted to run a blog called Jazz-Hands about the Sims 3.
That okay so far?
They were upset at the way it had all ended and objected to the way the rest of its members wanted to throw everything about it in the bin like it was a forgotten toy they had grown bored with.
The other forum@jazz-hands.net members had already announced they were starting two other forums of their own under entirely different names, Arrogance Is Bliss and Little Tin Box – a week before forum@jazz-hands.net died. One of those was VintageLydia.
No one else took up the name and logo from the old forum@jazz-hands.net. Just the one that had made custom content t-shirts and hooded tops with the Jazz-Hands logo months earlier.
VintageLydia now admitted those involved in both these post-forum@jazz-hands.net projects by this point, two months after forum@jazz-hands.net had folded, had nothing to do with playing the Sims anymore.
So that being the case, what exactly were her and Ravenamy’s objections?
On past experience of their destructive behaviour across the Sims community, it was either the fear that someone else would succeed where their ‘awesome’ cohorts had failed over and over again, or perhaps the case that some trolls can never be cured of their self-destructive behaviour and will always wish discord when others wished the best of luck.
Let’s put the above into context.
Question: What complaint has Aarin made about the use of the old Jazz-Hands logo here?
Answer: To this day, absolutely none, either directly here or on her blog.
Its perhaps never crossed the minds of some that Aarin may just have breathed a big sigh of relief in private when she learned it was used here with hugs and TLC instead of being hijacked by some of those false friends she’d gathered over her unhappy year in the Sims 3 world.
Had any legal action been taken over a non-copyrighted logo being used for non-commercial purposes, it would have been the most expensive mistake of their whole sorry lives.
Question: How many of the forums of the former forum@jazz-hands.net members has Aarin joined, or their blogs subscribed to?
Answer: Nil – although a number of them have subscribed to her Tumblr 6s And 7s. Make up your own mind as to what that says she feels about those calling themselves her ‘friends’.
Aarin may have allowed her moods to get the better of her, and her silly pride in the way of doing the right thing and making up with people she should never have fallen out with, but at least she did do good stuff too. Which is more than can be said for many of her so-called friends, who spent all of their time looking for ‘foes’ and people to be ‘foes’ with. Eventually, that will wear anyone out.
But you are known by the company you keep, which was why Pollysim disowned her old friends in the end, as she accepted they weren’t hers or anyone’s friends, just bitter twisted people looking for strangers online to lash out at. She was the ‘good’ Jazzer who put principles of right and wrong above pride. What Aarin should have done, but didn’t.
Question: Why was the old Jazz-Hands logo adopted as well as the name?
It was a good logo and didn’t deserve such an undignified end. Having made a lot of custom content clothes using it, didn’t want to see it vanish from the Sims 3 community with the stigma of the people it had represented still on it.
Those complaining about it being used here forget that they did not even bother to have links to forum@jazz-hands in their official forum signatures when it was alive or make anything to promote the place themselves. Unless you call making trouble on the official Sims 3 forum to ruin it for everyone else ‘promotion’.
For the record, only one person ever used a Jazz-Hands avatar or signature on the Official Sims 3 forum or anywhere else – Lawertend for a time over at the now folded The Simmers Club (and he was one of the biggest trolls in the Sims 2 and Sims 3 fan worlds, hardly a good advert).
Only Buddycherd and CashingTheFame Izzy promoted forum@jazz-hands.net on the Official Sims 3 forum the way any normal Sims enthusiast would, in a calm reasonable manner (those two dropped out of forum@jazz-hands.net quite early on for other places). All the rest did in ways that saw their posts soon deleted by moderators to keep the peace. You can guess why.
So those moaners can sit down and shut up about anyone ‘stealing’ the name and logo of a forum they brought disgrace to with their constant nasty behaviour to fellow Sims players across the world. Time they visited a shrink!
Which brings this post to the other reason for keeping the name Jazz-Hands and its original logo alive together. It stopped anyone, whether a former forum@jazz-hands.net member or not, from using it ever again as some sort of swastika for those evil people that think the Sims community is their playground to go around looking for people to bully and hurt, of which there are sadly still plenty.
Last summer saw a number of nasty forums and blogs that did nothing but stir up flame wars across the Sims community for their own sick amusement. Aarin’s disappearence left open the danger someone may have attempted to use the name of her old forum and its old logo as a new troll rallying flag.
In the UK in the 1960s the Mods and in the 1970s the Punks both adopted the Union Jack and designs based around it in order to reclaim the flag from people and organisations who thought it represented only their own little ‘master race’ and not everyone.
In the same spirit, the ‘Gossip’ logo was reclaimed only after it had been discarded to be used for the purpose originally intended: for fun and fan activity concerning The Sims 3, not as a symbol for anyone else’s stupid hate agendas.
One year on, Jazz-Hands lives on, unlike almost all of its critics’ efforts. You’d better get used to it, because it’s here to stay!
The Cursed Painting Of Siya Coguran
As it’s Halloween, here’s a Sims 3 version of possibly the most famous ‘cursed portrait’.
The story goes that a 13 year old Japanese schoolgirl called Siya Coguran posted a self portrait of herself on the internet before she slit her wrists. Those that have looked at the portrait have felt uneasy if they have done so for too long, some have reported it changing to a malevolent stare, & it has been allegedly responsible for similar suicides & other mysterious deaths from people that have complained the portrait was preying on their minds from the moment they first saw it.
In reality, it’s the original version of Princess Ruu from Robert Chang’s animated film ‘Tellurian Sky’, and the multitalented Mr Chang (animator, illustrator, photographer and musician) still doesn’t know why this ‘urban legend’ started in the first place. The official name of the painting is the Melancholy Princess, as she’s forced to rule her father’s kingdom upon his death.
The package contains both the original picture (the ‘cursed’ version’) and the Princess Ruu final version.
It uses a mesh by Yarona at Sims Modeli so that you do not need any stuff packs for this to work.
Simply unzip and drop into your mods/package folder, and it should show up.
Enjoy!
Genesis
A collection of fifty one T-shirts and a sets of hooded tops featuring various motifs from their artwork over the years.
Will fit Teen, Young Adult and Adults.
All items are recolourable, but the logos aren’t.
As there’s no Teen Male hooded top with the basic pack, there’s a Teen Male Tracksuit top instead.
Please also find a collection of 22 promotional posters, pictures and various Genesis related thingymajigs available as pictures for your Sims 3 game.
Some pictures use a mesh by Yarona at Sims Modeli and the wall sized murals use a mesh which comes once again with many thanks from Helen-Sims, so you do not need any stuff packs for this to work – it’s all base game friendly.
The frames are recolourable.
To use, download, unzip, and drop the contained folder into your The Sims 3\mods\packages folder and they should show up.
Enjoy!
The Skeletal Scream
Just for a bit of fun, here’s a Sims 3 interpretation of Munch’s famous The Scream painting, featuring Haily Farber (our gruesome little heroine from Skeletal Screams Blog Site). Yes, that’s Willow and Elysia standing at the back.
It uses a mesh by Yarona at Sims Modeli so that you do not need any stuff packs for this to work.
Simply unzip and drop into your mods/package folder, and it should show up.
Enjoy!
Welcome back for the second half of the opening Gnubb Club League match between Boolprop Fight The Addiction False GC against Simpletons GC here at Taffer Park.
There was some technical difficulties starting the second half owing to an extended lunch break at a local nectary for some, and an extended visit to the nearest hospital for anyone that ate anything Cororon had made on the barbeque.
Just to remind you, here’s how the half time score looks:
——————————————————————-
Boolprop FightTheAddiction False vs Simpletons
Katiecat 6 – 5 IssyBlue (Blueeyed32)
Wonton4Life 6 – 4 Michael Close (Whtrbt)
MmmToast 3-6 BethGreenB70
Matches: 2-1
Gnubb Difference: 15-15
——————————————————————-
All to play for in the second half, now let’s see how they’ll line up!
‘A-one, two, a-one-two-three-four!’
What are you up to Orangeplumbob?
Cut it taffing out, you lot! This isn’t the Eisteddfod!
‘Ah shut up and let us see your jazz hands!’
Very funny Pollysim – encourage them, why don’t you!
‘I’ve got a far better song.’
What the plumbobs are you on about?
Erm, thank you for enlightening the readers! Can we get on with the match now?
The first match was not so much grab a granny as grab a granny muncher, with two former forum@jazz-hands members Catherine Tygercat12 and Pollysim facing one another, Pollysim starting confidently enough with two gnubb bunnies with her first go whilst Tygercat12 missed with both.
However, this was followed by a dreadful slump in form, combined with Tygercat12 finding her Gnubb arm, and two turns each later the score was now 3-2 in the Taffers favour.
‘Ah relex, this match’s in the bag if my game’s anything to go by!’
That confident?
‘Why shouldn’t I be? Here’s how it’s looking at Blackcat’s business end.’
Not a single Gnubb down.
‘But have your baby blues a feast at what’s going down at my business end of the park!’
Looks like Mirra Blackcat10106 has a lot of catching up to do if she’s to stay in the game.
‘Yeah, well it would help matters if I didn’t have to put up with Gramcrackers putting me off by standing within sight every time I went to take a shot either eating a hotdog in as disgusting a manner as possible or bouncing around on the trampoline behind Florida1Cowboy to distract me!’
Oooo, what a dirty trick!
‘Go and put some clothes on, dammit – before I stick you on the barbeque and shout to Tygercat12 “dinner is served!” – it’s bad enough having your boss wandering about in the bucky without you following suit, or rather almost birthday suit, and if you’re going back on that trampoline again tonight in the name of plumbob first get yourself a sports bra if you don’t want to end up giving yourself two black eyes!’
Um, too much information there!
‘Hee-hee-hee-hee! Dat’s ma Gramcrackers!’
Anything short of two Gnubb bunnies this time and she may as well forget it, so Blackcat10106 had better take careful aim with her next shots.
Which could also be said for the game between Tygercat12 and Pollysim, as it has rapidly descended into farce, both managing to hit everyone and everything else bar the gnubb bunnies.
You’re not helping either Whtrbt!
‘If I can’t silence those Boolproprietors singing with my Gnubb play, I’ll silence them with my streaking!’
The only matter likely to be silencing them is the shock of seeing you don’t appear to have any nipples.
‘Eh?’
Exactly!
‘Hee-hee-hee-hee! Dat’s ma Michael Close!’
Speaking of close, you might want to pay a bit more close attention how your own match is going!
‘What you blabbering on about?’
In case you haven’t noticed, Mirra has mirrored your score, getting three in her last two turns whilst you haven’t hit a sausage (save for that gnubb baton that went into the barbeque) – it’s three each!
‘Ulp! Better get the focus back!’
Blackcat10106 wasn’t the only Taffer getting her focus back, as Tygercat12 broke what had proved a long duck between the players in her match and took her game to 4-2.
Fast forward two turns later, and up we come to the fourth game point – with Florida1Cowboy stepping up to take it.
He tosses…
… and the game is his!
Six Gnubbs to three, tying the match but making for a Gnubb difference of 21 to 18 in Simpletons favour.
However their joy’s short lived as Tygercat12 had managed to hit her final Gnubb bunny, and with Pollysim yet again unable to find the target, it’s now the Taffers turn to perhaps take back the initiative.
Her first shot gave the Gnubb king a glancing blow, but it only wobbled.
Her second shot…
… clipped the king enough to spend it spinning to the ground.
Thus in a real surprise Tygercat12 wins her game by six Gnubbs to two, putting the Taffers back into the lead three games to two and making for a Gnubb difference of 23 to 22 in Boolprop Fight The Addiction False’s favour.
This means that Boolprop are guaranteed at least a draw so long as they don’t lose their final game by more than one Gnubb. It all hangs on how Graycurse can do against Cororon in their delayed match.
It was to have been Cororon against Orangeplumbob, but she kept running off home before the game ever managed to start, so in the end Graycurse left her place in the crowd cheering to enter the lists.
Cororon made no mistake with her first two shots, leaving Graycurse in no doubt as to the task ahead of her.
How did the final game of the match go?
It could not have gone more wrong for Graycurse if she’d tried, while Cororon was in no mood to show mercy after being messed for so long around all night, convinced that the Taffers were trying to take advantage of her being scared of the dark in the hope it would affect her game.
Simpletons needed Cororon to pull a rabbit out of the hat – she pulled out Watership Down, and Tygercat12’s celebrations were cut short as a groan went up from the Boolprop team and supporters watching the centre game as Cororon made up for lost time by putting herself on course for a six baton finish.
‘Boo! Complete fluke result!’
Fluke result? By the stage of the final game….
…the result…
…was never in doubt.
If this was one of Graycurse’s Simming stories, we think she’d would need to classify this one as horror, being the first unfortunate Gnubber to be on the receiving end of a grannying.
Would it have been different it Orangeplumbob had stayed? It took Cororon exactly six throws to take her match, easily the fastest game of the whole match. Graycurse’s best was a couple of wobbles – and she had taken the first throw of their game.
Perhaps she ought to have tried out for the Palmer Appreciation Society’s Gnubb Club instead, since they’re fond of ducks!
——————————————————————-
FINAL SCORE
Katiecat 6 – 5 IssyBlue (Blueeyed32)
Wonton4Life 6 – 4 Michael Close (Whtrbt)
MmmToast 3-6 BethGreenB70
Mirra Blackcat10106 3-6 Florida1Cowboy
Tygercat12 6 -2 Pollysim
Graycurse 0 – 6 Cororon
Matches: 3-3
Gnubb Difference: 24-29
Boolprop Fight The Addiction False 3 -3 Simpletons
(Simpletons Win On Gnubb Difference!)
‘We lost our home match Toast! What do we do now?’
‘Tomorrow Leon, we practice. Tonight, we damn well have Graycurse tarred and feathered!’
Eeek!
Looks like Cororon’s getting the attention of the press after her demolition job.
‘Well of course, I’m simply happy for the lads and for the fans, delighted to be playing, two points on the board away from home is always a bonus, here’s hoping we can build on that and maybe get some silverware in the cabinet at the end of the season – any more sports cliches you’d like, you paparazzi rumpaklimp?!’
‘Miss Cororon, what about the allegations of you taking banned substances?’
‘As has already been determined by the International Directorate of Gnubb Associations Federation – the IDGAF – neither smoked vampires or slimy towels are in anyway outlawed!’
So with a precious away victory in the bag, the night belongs to Simpletons GC.
Stay tuned for the next Gnubb Club match, coming to you soon!
Welcome to the first match of the Gnubb Club League here at Taffer Park, with Boolprop Fight The Addiction False GC taking on Simpletons GC.
This works on a different format to that previously tried. Each team plays one another six times, one player on one. Squads must hold a minimum of six players, each playing once.
Whoever wins the most games wins the match and 3 points.
In the event of a tie, Gnubb difference counts, but will only earn the successful Gnubb Club 2 points.
If it is still a tie, each GC wins a point apiece.
The Boolprop Fight The Addiction False Gnubb Club will take six players from the following pool: Callie ImmatureStrikes, Greycurse, Katiecat, Mirra Blackcat10106, MmmToast (team captain), Orangeplumbob, Sarriaka, Scarlet Simphony, Tygercat12 and Wonton4Life.
From the visitors Simpletons comes a squad consisting of: Beth (GreenB70), Blueeyed32, Cororon, Florida1Cowboy, Pollysim, Shay (Gramcrackers), Whtrbt and Zeri (captain).
‘Come on, lame brains – and for plumbob’s sake this time don’t screw up!’
Nothing like an inspiring team talk, eh?
‘Hey Orangeplumbob.’
‘Yes Mirra?’
‘Do you think these trousers clash with this top?’
‘No, Mirra – they clash with everything!’
Ooo, saucer of cream for madame!
It was the Simpletonians that lined up to take the first throws of the match.
Unfortunately Whtrbt found himself to be a bit overexcited with his tossing – as so often tends to be the way of such matters with men.
If the Sims world newspapers ever consider running Spot The Gnubb Baton competitions, he’ll be providing many of the pictures.
‘I don’t know what’s more embarrassing – both Whtrbt and I sending our batons into the stratosphere or Zeri changing into her underwear every five minutes for no discernable reason like she’s joined the cast of Hollyoaks! ‘
It certainly didn’t look good for Simpletons after the first round, with only BethGreenB70 bagging a single bunny.
Now it was the turn of the Taffers.
Katiecat and Wonton4Life made no mistake as they bagged themselves a brace of bunnies.
‘No need to sound so surprised – Katie and Leon can gnubb it to the max!’
Oi! Stop breaking the fourth wall!
‘Cororon, did Zeri make those ferry tickets any day returns, because at this rate we might be heading for home before lunch!’
‘Have a little faith – our guys are only warming up! But I’ll check with Zeri just in case, hey wait a minute, where is Zeri?’
Sneaked back into the Away team dressing rooms with Gramcrackers so they can read some skanky novel.
‘Shhhh! It’s the latest tome by Smugface McGee, The Ring Of The Edge .’
Oh la-di-da, it’s not a novel but a tome! So what does this tome entail, Gramcrackers?
‘It explores the concepts of social alienation during the economic upheavals of the 1980s against the backdrop of the excitement towards the IT revolution?’
‘Does it? I thought it was all about some dude taking a dump on his boss’s desk in the middle of a meeting with the CEO before shagging the boss’s daughter live on the Public Access network.’
‘Um, yeah, that as well!’
***AHEM!*** If you two can tear yourselves away from your Pulitzer Prize winner for a moment, your colleagues are in need of your moral support right now!
The Boolpropians were on a roll, with Katiecat putting herself up for two shots at the Gnubb King on her next turn.
Wonton4Life however was teeing up for the first attempt at the Gnubb King of the match in his game.
Which is perhaps an unfortunate time for anyone to suffer an attack of the hiccups!
Two throws, one up on the roof…
… another in one of the barbeques.
Which meant Whtrbt had the chance to put himself right back into the game.
‘Oooo, I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that entire supermarket own brand six-pack of apple pies!’
Serves you right, Mr Scoff Monster! All that apple and sugar in one sitting. No wonder you’ve got hiccups.
‘What do you mean apple? What bloody apple! I ate all six trying to find any of the apple the photo on the box said there was in them, and got these hiccups from the oxygen filling I’ve swallowed!’
So true – the only way you’ll get to eat any apple is if you eat the box!
‘Don’t worry Leon, I’ll show you how it’s done. Keeping a firm grip of the shaft, I…’
Hey Taffer, keep it clean! This is a family show you know!
‘Pardon?’
Just take the taffing shot!
So Katiecat squinted an eye and with the rest of the Boolprop squad and fans cheering, took careful aim.
She didn’t need a second throw – but look how close Blueeyed32 had come to catching her.
‘Dammit, but maybe Whtrbt will get lucky?’
Then again, maybe not!
Much to the delight of Greycurse and Scarlet Simphony.
♪ ‘A Taffer Till I Die! ♫ A Taffer Till I Die!’ ♪
♪ ‘I Know I Am! ♫ I’m Sure I Am!’ ♫
♫ ‘A Taffer Till I Die!’ ♪
Easy Tigers, the match isn’t over yet!
‘Ha! Easy is how this is gonna be – two to the good already. These Simple suckers are going to get grannied!’
Oh it’s you Tygercat12. Kind of ironic you should be mentioning grannies, considering you used to be a…
‘Shaddup!’
Er, Zeri, what the blazes…
‘I’m putting Wonton4Life off his shot by zooming by him at superspeed!’
Brilliant idea. At least it would have been if he hadn’t already taken his shot.
‘Nggggh! Funking bar stewards!’
Er, let’s move swiftly over to the Taffers team captain!
Toast, you’re now two games up, the match appears to be going well, how are your own chances in your game going down?
That good, eh?
‘We’re going to get grannied? Dream on, Taffers!’
Yes, your eyes aren’t deceiving you!
There’s all of BethGreenB70’s gnubb bunnies gone to ground.
There’s BethGreenB70 teeing up her first shot at the Gnubb King.
And there’s Zeri in her underwear again – for plumbob’s sake woman, before you catch your death!
(Memo To GCL HQ: ‘Don’t put watersliders in Gnubb Club parks – Simmies are as obsessed with them as they appear to be with playing with water sprinklers!’)
Quick Beth, take your shot and find where your team captain’s dumped her gear!
And it’s game to BethGreenB70!
‘Yay! The fightback begins!’
‘Pffffft! One Simple fluke does not a Gnubb match make!’
Some fluke! BethGreenB70 won 6-3, the best result of the game so far.
So with the first half up, here’s the scores on the doors, Delores:
——————————————————————-
Boolprop FightTheAddiction False vs Simpletons
Katiecat 6 – 5 IssyBlue (Blueeyed32)
Wonton4Life 6 – 4 Michael Close (Whtrbt)
MmmToast 3-6 BethGreenB70
Matches: 2-1
Gnubb Difference: 15-15
——————————————————————-
Yes, it’s tighter than the scores initially suggest and very much all to play for!
Watch out for the second half coming up soon!
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