The Lonely Island Chronicles: Episode 1 – ‘Take Me Back To Skyrim, Because Morthal Is My Kinda Town.’

Welcome to Lonely Island. Created and owned by Rflong7/13, but taken over by some undead Simmies for a bit of peace and quiet from a Sims world they are convinced are all stark raving mad. It is a sanctuary for the much maligned Butterfly of Doom and many other maligned and misunderstood species of Sims nature.

Rflong7/13 has no qualms over their residence – or at least she’s not asked for any rent yet.

Episode 1: ‘Take Me Back To Skyrim, Because Morthal Is My Kinda Town.’

Over at Tyneham Castle are the Tyneham sisters, Hazel, Rowan and Willow, whose premature deaths in 1919 during the Spanish Flu pandemic ruined their summer holiday.

Bad enough they were in Twinbrook on holiday in the first place. But being buried in Ivy Hill Graveyard with those that gave them that fatal flu rather put the tin lid on it, or rather the tin coffin lid in their cases.

(Twinbrook emergency health regulations of the time, before you ask)

They didn’t even manage to get a stick of rock. If Twinbrook has seaside rock, that is.

Now they’re on Lonely Island in a facsimile of their ancestral home of Tyneham Castle, they are without peer the most cultured of the island’s residents.

Here we see Willow (left) and Rowan (right) engaging in an earnest discussion over restoring some of the original Italianate architectural details added by Inigo Jones in the 17th Century.

‘I do so hope that this Misty Grove will present us with some suitable treasures, for this has proven a most troublesome quest.’

‘Indeed. If we are presented at the conclusion with another tiresome daedric armament, I do so hope we are presented with the option of requesting that the Sir inserts the gifted utensil into his fundament forthwith!’

Okay, who was the bumnugget that brought copies of The Elder Scrolls V onto Lonely Island? Is there nowhere in the world left that’s immune to the wretched game?

Perhaps the youngest sister Hazel is partaking of something a little more cerebral.

‘It is a puzzlement, but after hours of study I am nowhere yet nearer to an answer. I fear I shall have to confer with my sisters, and yet remain none the wiser.’

A question of the Greek Metres? The historical debate as to the true military significance played by Joan of Arc in the Hundred Years War? The dichotomous paradox of the Zurich Letters?

‘Why does the waterwheel at Morthal turn in the opposite direction to the flow of the river current? T’is most vexing.’

An education courtesy of the finest tutors in the British Empire, and all she’s interested in broadening is her knowledge of the empire of Skyrim. Shagmendous!

‘Um, Rowan, do you think we ought to retire for the night?’

‘I suppose you’re right. After one more quest. It is after all four in the morning’.

Yes, they are sleeping in what you can see behind them, despite Elysia telling them they don’t have to sleep in coffins just because they’re undead. Lucky the Isle of Sims branch of Ikea had a special 3 for 2 offer on coffin beds (‘dead comfortable eternal rest!’) that week.

‘What I don’t understand is that we have achieved all the objectives required for this part of the Jarl of Whiterun’s quest, yet the game is failing to reveal the easter egg that was promised.’

‘Are you sure Willow that you remember what you learned correctly?’

‘I am sure I have counted them correctly. Fifty Eidar cheese wheels, fifty goat cheese wheels, fifty bottles of ordinary wine, fifty bottles of Alto wine.’

‘But yet it has not activated the unlock whereupon the Jarldom of Whiterun is handed over to me?’

‘Perhaps one also needs to present the Jarl with fifty bottles of Black-Briar Reserve?’

‘I don’t remember Elysia mentioning Black-Briar Reserve in her instructions. Do you think perhaps she has chosen to make a sport of us?’

Not sure about a sport. A pair of Charlies certainly.

While the Tyneham sisters are busy rotting their brains, over at Cloverstardrop Keep, young Switch appears to be doing much of the same.

‘Um, this doesn’t appear to be working.’

This had better be another of those cheap jokes about cooking grannies coming up!

‘I still can’t get the bard in the Bannered Mare to play “Particle Man”, even though I must have typed in Boolprop MusicCheatiTunesList True into the console about fifty times!’

Amazing what you can get others to believe when you tell them you have the Official Game Guide.

‘If I thought for one moment that Elysia was having me on…’

Look like Elysia’s going to be getting thumped rather than thu’umed when certain Lonely Islanders catch up with her!