Jazz-Hands

Welcome back for the second half of the opening Gnubb Club League match between Boolprop Fight The Addiction False GC against Simpletons GC here at Taffer Park.

There was some technical difficulties starting the second half owing to an extended lunch break at a local nectary for some, and an extended visit to the nearest hospital for anyone that ate anything Cororon had made on the barbeque.

Just to remind you, here’s how the half time score looks:

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Boolprop FightTheAddiction False vs Simpletons

Katiecat 6 – 5 IssyBlue (Blueeyed32)

Wonton4Life 6 – 4 Michael Close (Whtrbt)

MmmToast 3-6 BethGreenB70

Matches: 2-1

Gnubb Difference: 15-15

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All to play for in the second half, now let’s see how they’ll line up!

‘A-one, two, a-one-two-three-four!’

What are you up to Orangeplumbob?

Cut it taffing out, you lot! This isn’t the Eisteddfod!

‘Ah shut up and let us see your jazz hands!’

Very funny Pollysim –  encourage them, why don’t you!

‘I’ve got a far better song.’

What the plumbobs are you on about?

Erm, thank you for enlightening the readers! Can we get on with the match now?

The first match was not so much grab a granny as grab a granny muncher, with two former forum@jazz-hands members Catherine Tygercat12 and Pollysim facing one another, Pollysim starting confidently enough with two gnubb bunnies with her first go whilst Tygercat12 missed with both.

However, this was followed by a dreadful slump in form, combined with Tygercat12 finding her Gnubb arm, and two turns each later the score was now 3-2 in the Taffers favour.

‘Ah relex, this match’s in the bag if my game’s anything to go by!’

That confident?

‘Why shouldn’t I be? Here’s how it’s looking at Blackcat’s business end.’

Not a single Gnubb down.

‘But have your baby blues a feast at what’s going down at my business end of the park!’

Looks like Mirra Blackcat10106 has a lot of catching up to do if she’s to stay in the game.

‘Yeah, well it would help matters if I didn’t have to put up with Gramcrackers putting me off by standing within sight every time I went to take a shot either eating a hotdog in as disgusting a manner as possible or bouncing around on the trampoline behind Florida1Cowboy to distract me!’

Oooo, what a dirty trick!

‘Go and put some clothes on, dammit – before I stick you on the barbeque and shout to Tygercat12 “dinner is served!” – it’s bad enough having your boss wandering about in the bucky without you following suit, or rather almost birthday suit, and if you’re going back on that trampoline again tonight in the name of plumbob first get yourself a sports bra if you don’t want to end up giving yourself two black eyes!’

Um, too much information there!

‘Hee-hee-hee-hee! Dat’s ma Gramcrackers!’

Anything short of two Gnubb bunnies this time and she may as well forget it, so Blackcat10106 had better take careful aim with her next shots.

Which could also be said for the game between Tygercat12 and Pollysim, as it has rapidly descended into farce, both managing to hit everyone and everything else bar the gnubb bunnies.

You’re not helping either Whtrbt!

‘If I can’t silence those Boolproprietors singing with my Gnubb play, I’ll silence them with my streaking!’

The only matter likely to be silencing them is the shock of seeing you don’t appear to have any nipples.

‘Eh?’

Exactly!

‘Hee-hee-hee-hee! Dat’s ma Michael Close!’

Speaking of close, you might want to pay a bit more close attention how your own match is going!

‘What you blabbering on about?’

In case you haven’t noticed, Mirra has mirrored your score, getting three in her last two turns whilst you haven’t hit a sausage (save for that gnubb baton that went into the barbeque) – it’s three each!

‘Ulp! Better get the focus back!’

Blackcat10106 wasn’t the only Taffer getting her focus back, as Tygercat12 broke what had proved a long duck between the players in her match and took her game to 4-2.

Fast forward two turns later, and up we come to the fourth game point – with Florida1Cowboy stepping up to take it.

He tosses…

… and the game is his!

Six Gnubbs to three, tying the match but making for a Gnubb difference of 21 to 18 in Simpletons favour.

However their joy’s short lived as Tygercat12 had managed to hit her final Gnubb bunny, and with Pollysim yet again unable to find the target, it’s now the Taffers turn to perhaps take back the initiative.

Her first shot gave the Gnubb king a glancing blow, but it only wobbled.

Her second shot…

… clipped the king enough to spend it spinning to the ground.

Thus in a real surprise Tygercat12 wins her game by six Gnubbs to two, putting the Taffers back into the lead three games to two and making for a Gnubb difference of 23 to 22 in Boolprop Fight The Addiction False’s favour.

This means that Boolprop are guaranteed at least a draw so long as they don’t lose their final game by more than one Gnubb. It all hangs on how Graycurse can do against Cororon in their delayed match.

It was to have been Cororon against Orangeplumbob, but she kept running off home before the game ever managed to start, so in the end Graycurse left her place in the crowd cheering to enter the lists.

Cororon made no mistake with her first two shots, leaving Graycurse in no doubt as to the task ahead of her.

How did the final game of the match go?

It could not have gone more wrong for Graycurse if she’d tried, while Cororon was in no mood to show mercy after being messed for so long around all night, convinced that the Taffers were trying to take advantage of her being scared of the dark in the hope it would affect her game.

Simpletons needed Cororon to pull a rabbit out of the hat – she pulled out Watership Down, and Tygercat12’s celebrations were cut short as a groan went up from the Boolprop team and supporters watching the centre game as Cororon made up for lost time by putting herself on course for a six baton finish.

‘Boo! Complete fluke result!’

Fluke result? By the stage of the final game….

…the result…

…was never in doubt.

If this was one of Graycurse’s Simming stories, we think she’d would need to classify this one as horror, being the first unfortunate Gnubber to be on the receiving end of a grannying.

Would it have been different it Orangeplumbob had stayed? It took Cororon exactly six throws to take her match, easily the fastest game of the whole match. Graycurse’s best was a couple of wobbles – and she had taken the first throw of their game.

Perhaps she ought to have tried out for the Palmer Appreciation Society’s Gnubb Club instead, since they’re fond of ducks!

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FINAL SCORE

Katiecat 6 – 5 IssyBlue (Blueeyed32)

Wonton4Life 6 – 4 Michael Close (Whtrbt)

MmmToast 3-6 BethGreenB70

Mirra Blackcat10106 3-6 Florida1Cowboy

Tygercat12 6 -2 Pollysim

Graycurse 0 – 6 Cororon

Matches: 3-3

Gnubb Difference: 24-29

Boolprop Fight The Addiction False 3 -3 Simpletons

(Simpletons Win On Gnubb Difference!)

‘We lost our home match Toast! What do we do now?’

‘Tomorrow Leon, we practice. Tonight, we damn well have Graycurse tarred and feathered!’

Eeek!

Looks like Cororon’s getting the attention of the press after her demolition job.

‘Well of course, I’m simply happy for the lads and for the fans, delighted to be playing, two points on the board away from home is always a bonus, here’s hoping we can build on that and maybe get some silverware in the cabinet at the end of the season – any more sports cliches you’d like, you paparazzi rumpaklimp?!’

‘Miss Cororon, what about the allegations of you taking banned substances?’

‘As has already been determined by the International Directorate of Gnubb Associations Federation – the IDGAF – neither smoked vampires or slimy towels are in anyway outlawed!’

So with a precious away victory in the bag, the night belongs to Simpletons GC.

Stay tuned for the next Gnubb Club match, coming to you soon!

Welcome to the first match of the Gnubb Club League here at Taffer Park, with Boolprop Fight The Addiction False GC taking on Simpletons GC.

This works on a different format to that previously tried. Each team plays one another six times, one player on one. Squads must hold a minimum of six players, each playing once.

Whoever wins the most games wins the match and 3 points.

In the event of a tie, Gnubb difference counts, but will only earn the successful Gnubb Club 2 points.

If it is still a tie, each GC wins a point apiece.

The Boolprop Fight The Addiction False Gnubb Club will take six players from the following pool: Callie ImmatureStrikes, Greycurse, Katiecat, Mirra Blackcat10106, MmmToast (team captain), Orangeplumbob, Sarriaka, Scarlet Simphony, Tygercat12 and Wonton4Life.

From the visitors Simpletons comes a squad consisting of: Beth (GreenB70), Blueeyed32, Cororon, Florida1Cowboy, Pollysim, Shay (Gramcrackers), Whtrbt and Zeri (captain).

‘Come on, lame brains – and for plumbob’s sake this time don’t screw up!’

Nothing like an inspiring team talk, eh?

‘Hey Orangeplumbob.’

‘Yes Mirra?’

‘Do you think these trousers clash with this top?’

‘No, Mirra – they clash with everything!’

Ooo, saucer of cream for madame!

It was the Simpletonians that lined up to take the first throws of the match.

Unfortunately Whtrbt found himself to be a bit overexcited with his tossing – as so often tends to be the way of such matters with men.

If the Sims world newspapers ever consider running Spot The Gnubb Baton competitions, he’ll be providing many of the pictures.

‘I don’t know what’s more embarrassing – both Whtrbt and I sending our batons into the stratosphere or Zeri changing into her underwear every five minutes for no discernable reason like she’s joined the cast of Hollyoaks! ‘

It certainly didn’t look good for Simpletons after the first round, with only BethGreenB70 bagging a single bunny.

Now it was the turn of the Taffers.

Katiecat and Wonton4Life made no mistake as they bagged themselves a brace of bunnies.

‘No need to sound so surprised – Katie and Leon can gnubb it to the max!’

Oi! Stop breaking the fourth wall!

‘Cororon, did Zeri make those ferry tickets any day returns, because at this rate we might be heading for home before lunch!’

‘Have a little faith – our guys are only warming up! But I’ll check with Zeri just in case, hey wait a minute, where is Zeri?’

Sneaked back into the Away team dressing rooms with Gramcrackers so they can read some skanky novel.

‘Shhhh! It’s the latest tome by Smugface McGee, The Ring Of The Edge .’

Oh la-di-da, it’s not a novel but a tome! So what does this tome entail, Gramcrackers?

‘It explores the concepts of social alienation during the economic upheavals of the 1980s against the backdrop of the excitement towards the IT revolution?’

‘Does it? I thought it was all about some dude taking a dump on his boss’s desk in the middle of a meeting with the CEO before shagging the boss’s daughter live on the Public Access network.’

‘Um, yeah, that as well!’

***AHEM!*** If you two can tear yourselves away from your Pulitzer Prize winner for a moment, your colleagues are in need of your moral support right now!

The Boolpropians were on a roll, with Katiecat putting herself up for two shots at the Gnubb King on her next turn.

Wonton4Life however was teeing up for the first attempt at the Gnubb King of the match in his game.

Which is perhaps an unfortunate time for anyone to suffer an attack of the hiccups!

Two throws, one up on the roof…

… another in one of the barbeques.

Which meant Whtrbt had the chance to put himself right back into the game.

‘Oooo, I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that entire supermarket own brand six-pack of apple pies!’

Serves you right, Mr Scoff Monster! All that apple and sugar in one sitting. No wonder you’ve got hiccups.

‘What do you mean apple? What bloody apple! I ate all six trying to find any of the apple the photo on the box said there was in them, and got these hiccups from the oxygen filling I’ve swallowed!’

So true – the only way you’ll get to eat any apple is if you eat the box!

‘Don’t worry Leon, I’ll show you how it’s done. Keeping a firm grip of the shaft, I…’

Hey Taffer, keep it clean! This is a family show you know!

‘Pardon?’

Just take the taffing shot!

So Katiecat squinted an eye and with the rest of the Boolprop squad and fans cheering, took careful aim.

She didn’t need a second throw – but look how close Blueeyed32 had come to catching her.

‘Dammit, but maybe Whtrbt will get lucky?’

Then again, maybe not!

Much to the delight of Greycurse and Scarlet Simphony.

♪ ‘A Taffer Till I Die! ♫ A Taffer Till I Die!’ ♪

♪ ‘I Know I Am! ♫ I’m Sure I Am!’ ♫

♫ ‘A Taffer Till I Die!’ ♪

Easy Tigers, the match isn’t over yet!

‘Ha! Easy is how this is gonna be – two to the good already. These Simple suckers are going to get grannied!’

Oh it’s you Tygercat12. Kind of ironic you should be mentioning grannies, considering you used to be a…

‘Shaddup!’

Er, Zeri, what the blazes…

‘I’m putting Wonton4Life off his shot by zooming by him at superspeed!’

Brilliant idea. At least it would have been if he hadn’t already taken his shot.

‘Nggggh! Funking bar stewards!’

Er, let’s move swiftly over to the Taffers team captain!

Toast, you’re now two games up, the match appears to be going well, how are your own chances in your game going down?

That good, eh?

‘We’re going to get grannied? Dream on, Taffers!’

Yes, your eyes aren’t deceiving you!

There’s all of BethGreenB70’s gnubb bunnies gone to ground.

There’s BethGreenB70 teeing up her first shot at the Gnubb King.

And there’s Zeri in her underwear again – for plumbob’s sake woman, before you catch your death!

(Memo To GCL HQ: ‘Don’t put watersliders in Gnubb Club parks – Simmies are as obsessed with them as they appear to be with playing with water sprinklers!’)

Quick Beth, take your shot and find where your team captain’s dumped her gear!

And it’s game to BethGreenB70!

‘Yay! The fightback begins!’

‘Pffffft! One Simple fluke does not a Gnubb match make!’

Some fluke! BethGreenB70 won 6-3, the best result of the game so far.

So with the first half up, here’s the scores on the doors, Delores:

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Boolprop FightTheAddiction False vs Simpletons

Katiecat 6 – 5 IssyBlue (Blueeyed32)

Wonton4Life 6 – 4 Michael Close (Whtrbt)

MmmToast 3-6 BethGreenB70

Matches: 2-1

Gnubb Difference: 15-15

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Yes, it’s tighter than the scores initially suggest and very much all to play for!

Watch out for the second half coming up soon!

At long last almost everything has been put together so this can be started in earnest.

Those of you that read the first match report (don’t worry Simpletons, that was only a friendly!) will know what the first game will be, but for those needing a teaser, how about this?

Yes, it’s…

The match is being done this week, with the Boolprop team coming from the following pool of players: Callie ImmatureStrikes, Greycurse, Katiecat, Mirra Blackcat10106, MmmToast (team captain – and congratulations to her on her recent appointment as a moderator at Boolprop Fight The Addiction False), Orangeplumbob, Sarriaka, Scarlet Simphony, Tygercat12 and Wonton4Life.

More to come once the games have been done.