Jazz-Hands

Lonely Island was created and owned by Rflong7/13, but was taken over by some undead Simmies for a bit of peace and quiet after involuntary resurrection from Ivy Hill Graveyard. It includes some others escaping from their own ‘life issues’, and is a sanctuary for the much maligned Butterfly of Doom and many other misunderstood species of Sims nature.

Evening has fallen, the swans are singing, the last of Sunday’s bells is ringing. The wind in the trees is sighing.

And from the Wotchyamacaulit, the Lonely Islanders are flying. Another meeting over.

‘Tooooo the Crystal Dome! Or at least to the Jazz-Hands Gnubb Club. I’ve got a high score that needs beating!’

However, at the gate to the Gnubb field:

‘Hold on, have I given you permission to enter here, Elysia? What’s it worth to you for me to allow you in?’

‘Here’s what it’s worth – I’ll let you continue to live, you saucy little git! You’ve ten seconds to move away from that gate, starting eight seconds ago.’

‘Whitsun Winterbottom, cease blocking the gate if you don’t wish to find yourself barred from using the community facility for a week!’

‘He’s my son, M’boza, I can handle this – Whitsun, stop that at once or you’ll be going back to the child psychologist.’

‘Oi! Witless! Move your buttwings right now before I dominate you with my crabbiness – and knock it off with always trying to haze Elysia and the Tynehams.’

‘Whitsun, why do you always have to give our family a showing up? I told you Dad that he’d have another of his Asperger’s episodes if he wasn’t made to Feng Shui his room propertly this morning.’

‘Shrove dear, please, let me handle this.’

‘But it’s true Dad. Everyone else on the island manages to get on amicably enough with the zomb…. er I mean livormorts…’

‘Pfft! You and the rest of your hippyderp family wishes, Pancake!’

‘Daaaaaad! That Switch brat called me Pancake again!’

‘Come on Cloverstardropper, hurry up! I’m sure M’boza is as anxious to start thrashing Diggory at Gnubb tonight as I am to clobber you.’

‘Alright, alright, but don’t kid yourself that you’re going to beat me. Odds one that M’boza and I will be the only ones toppling the kings tonight.

No idea why Switch is impersonating Kenneth Williams with that face she’s pulling.

‘I hear ya! Diggory, you going down man, you – are -going – doooooooooown!‘

Remarkable the way Gnubb makes even M’boza Idchai lose his mature diplomatic cool.

‘I hate to remind you, Ms Stardropper, but I did beat Mr Idchai in our last match. At least I dare to test my strength again stronger opponents from time to time – you only play Ms Farber because you know you’ll always win.’

‘Bweheh! You only beat M’boza last time because he stepped in to finish Haily’s game for her after she fell sick after one undercooked tofu hotdog by Pancake too many. Five-nil the score was at the time – and it took you six shots before you hit the king by which time he’d brought it back to 5-4!’

‘Oh really? Hrrrumph! §100 says that I beat Switch in this very match and that you Diggory get served again by M’boza. Going to put your simoleons where your big fat mouths are?’

‘Oh, you’re on kid! You are so on!’

‘This is glorious! Count me in too. Can’t turn down free money!’

‘Perhaps Mr Winterbottom and Ms Daemone would not have been so rash, indeed so foolhardy as to consent to the wager, had they known that Miss Farber has received some tuition in the fine art of Gnubb this very afternoon.’

‘Modesty naturally forbids me mentioning from whom, but I am confident that Haily has achieved enough progression in her tutelage this very afternoon to put Cloverstardropper’s wyrd less the foregone conclusion she believes it so.’

For those unfamiliar, Willow Tyneham is the best Gnubb player on Lonely Island by several furlongs.

After Diggory was beaten 6-3, all eyes turned to the Haily vs Switch match. Five all, with Haily throwing for the king with her last baton.

Ever get that feeling…

… you really should not have made that bet?

‘I think I’m getting the hang of this now. Can I have my §100 from you both please?’

‘Tonight, the drinks are on Haily – and the eggs are on Diggory and Switch’s faces! Better see what my good lady wife’s getting up to downstairs.’

Looks like she’s conversing with one of the island’s tourists.

‘Someone has to butter up the visitors, our Chargés d’Affaires Ad Nauseum is too busy trying to top her score in Pacman.’

This is not the face of someone that is completely addicted to a pile of 8-bit retro. Oh no.

Look on the bright side, Klammis, at least they’ve found a way they can have Whitsun Winterbottom in the same room as any of the resident undead without them coming to blows.

‘Which is for the best, otherwise he’d be facing more of the music than merely my arpeggios!’

‘Look everyone, our first change of weather!’

‘Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!’

Snowing it certainly is – coming in heavy by the look of it.

The weather stone’s eyes have turned a wintry shade of blue, you’ll notice!

‘So they have a stone that controls the weather? Maaaaaarey interesting!’

Oh horse off, you nag, before you end up being made into Tesco sausages!

It certainly makes the game look very picturesque

But what effect is it going to have on playing Gnubb?

‘Gnubb in the snow? Oh-ho-ho, It’s going to be great!’

‘Not if you’re wearing short sleeves and short trousers it’s not!’

‘Pfft! Man up Diggory, you big girly wuzz! You’ve enough middle age spread there to keep you toasty-mosty.’

‘Why you impudent little…’

‘Guys, I think that there’s a more pragmatic reason why this isn’t going to work…’

‘Haily, what do you mean… oh trollbat, I get it!’

‘Once enough snow is down and it starts to crystalise solid, we’ll freeze to death before we manage to hit down the king!’

‘What are we going to do?’

‘Impromptu igloo building until it thaws a bit!’

‘Is this what Amish Eskimos do instead of barn building?’

‘I’ll leave you kids to it, I prefer my ice inside a glass with plenty of nectar I’m heading downstairs for a winter warmer!’

‘Wimp!’

‘Hey Haily and Switch, we’ve got a better idea!’

Country dancing? Ballet?

‘Yeah, a real cool one!’

‘Ooof! Prithee, don’t they come in warmer varieties?’

There’s only one game to play when the snow’s this deep.

At least until everyone’s too frozen to make another snowball!

Lonely Island’s now a winter wonderland!

Lonely Island was created and owned by Rflong7/13, but was taken over by some undead Simmies for a bit of peace and quiet after involuntary resurrection from Ivy Hill Graveyard. It includes some others escaping from their own ‘life issues’, and is a sanctuary for the much maligned Butterfly of Doom and many other misunderstood species of Sims nature.

‘Blimey! Thank plumbobs that’s over with! Had that earthquake gone on for much longer, all my fillings would have come out! Lucky this place is made out of the best quarried granite.’

‘But not everything around here is made of stone, Elysia! We’d better get out quickly and check on the holiday base camp – those old log huts could have been shaken down into matchsticks!’

‘I agree, but first, we need Ms Farber to change out of that Lemon Party t-shirt she’s wearing. I for one do not want any rescue operation of tourists to be used as some sort of party political stunt.’

‘Oh come on, Felicity, there could be people trapped and you’re worried about a t-shirt?’

‘Haily, please just change out of it into anything else and let’s get going!’

One quick Wonder Woman twirl later…

‘Happy now, barb wire knickers?’

‘Mr and Madame Speaker, I must protest that Ms Farber is being deliberately obstructive at a time of national crisis for Lonely Island.’

‘Agreed – for pity’s sake, Haily, don’t you have something a little less dysfunctional?’

‘Goats and monkeys! There could be Simmies lying injured or trapped under their dwellings, and you wish to confer over the nidgetty of Haily’s attire? The next motion within this chamber shall be henchforth the end of my sturdy brogue upon your fundaments if you do not make haste outside this instant!’

It wasn’t an earthquake that Lonely Island had undergone however…

It was something far more fun!

But the Lonely Islanders weren’t to know that as they ran off to investigate.

‘Innit marvellous? Everytime there’s a disaster at Jazz-Hands, one of the bloody Mares turns up to gawp!’

‘You think you have problems, Elysia?’

‘I’ve got one of them really screwing me over!’

Over at the base camp however, the situation was far from critical, and the island’s only tourist frying up a storm on the barbeque were the only steaks that were high. This left the natives with time to notice the addition to their surrounds and exclaim…

‘Ooo, shiny!’

‘But what is it?’

‘Some sort of Mayan Totem Pole unearthed for the new era?’

‘Bwehehehheheheh! Just what this island needs. A giant ancient Aztecy phallus next to the tourist camp. Should bring us lots more visitors!’

‘Switch, really!’

‘Gordon Bennett! Don’t any of you lot keep up with the news? It’s a Weather Stone. They’ve been popping up all over the place over the past month only in areas where there’s a lot of supernatural activity going on. Those involved with the occult can use them to create special weather effects. Which means another thing…’

‘You don’t mean…’

‘Yes Klammis – say goodbye to the era of perpetual sunny skies. For good or ill,  Lonely Island now has a weather system!’

Part 3 To Follow

Lonely Island was created and owned by Rflong7/13, but was taken over by some undead Simmies for a bit of peace and quiet after involuntary resurrection from Ivy Hill Graveyard. It includes some others escaping from their own ‘life issues’, and is a sanctuary for the much maligned Butterfly of Doom and many other misunderstood species of Sims nature.

As evening falls over Lonely Island, a statutory meeting of the Wotchyamacaulit – the ruling council of the island and its dependencies – is in full swing. Let us enter and marvel at the uplifting sight of the democratic process in action.

‘…so I charge ye all to hear that I denounce thee Shrove Winterbottom as a witch, who has cavorted with her imps in diabolical orgies on the last Sabbeth and suckled them from her witch’s teat, therefore I ask for the courts permission to use the instruments at my disposal in order to find the witch’s mark upon her!’

‘Ms Farber, I must rule you are out of order with the chair and the agreed order of business of the Wotchyamacaulit.’

‘Ah come on, Klammis Idchai – ah, sorry, Madame Speaker! This session needed a bit of pepping up. Besides, I’ve got a whole new set of dungeon equipment and no one to try it out on!’

‘Madame Speaker, may I please propose a motion before the Thingymabob…’

‘Beowulf’s pants – it’s the Wotchyamacaulit, Cloverstardropper!’

‘Indeed Rowan! How many times do we have to remind you, you giglet?’

‘Ahem, as I was trying to say before I was so rudely interrupted by the joint last places of the 2012 Miss Suntan contest over here, I wish to propose a ban on the drinking of coffee before a session of the Wotchyamacaulit in order to ensure Haily doesn’t have any more of her little turns.’

‘Gordon Bennett! For the last time Switch, we are not going to pass a law making Sprite the only drink it is legal to buy, sell or import to this island just so you can get it cheaper from the shop!’

‘Oh pffft and buttwings! Just ‘cus it makes you livormorts parp like a brass band, Elysia!’

‘It makes everyone blow off, kid – you’re about the only person on the island whose stomach can stomach the stuff. I tried it before jumping into the swimming pool below the Gnubb Club – I ended up knowing exactly how Donald Campbell’s boat Bluebird K7 felt on the Coniston Water.’

‘Diggory, really!’

‘Oh, sorry Felicity, my dear.’

‘People, please! Can we have some order? We have an important agenda to get through before the close, and we haven’t the time to be deviating…’

‘I agree, Mr Chair. Let’s all do it back at my house!’

‘Ms Farber, please, restrain yourself!’

‘Only if there’s nothing on the telly.’

‘I’m giving you one last warning, before…’

‘Mr Speaker, Madame Speaker; if it please you, there is a matter of the greatest urgency which I prithee implore you on the behalf of myself and my sisters to bring to the notice of the chamber.’

‘No, no, a hundred times no. We’ve already discussed this in private, and I do not think it in the interests of the chamber that the matter be put before it.’

‘Very well, sir, you leave me with no choice – I denounce thee Shrove Winterbottom, vile harlot and strumpet as a witch, who did on the last Sabbeth day at dusk take part in blood rituals and did spoil cheeses and milk of her neighbours after the devil in the form of a brood mare had shod her!‘

‘Hey, are you telling me I was right? I only said that because this whole meeting today has been a trip to the planet snooze!’

‘No Haily, Willow’s simply using the old Witchcraft Act of this island to her advantage. If two members of the Wotchyamacaulit denounce another as a witch in the same session, all activities of the chamber must be suspended indefinitely until the accused is brought to trial, unless they both agree to withdraw it; which – no pun intended – I will guess is dependent on Willow getting to put her real motion before the chamber, am I right.’

‘Alright, alright, if it stops the entire of Lonely Island governance from grinding to a halt, we will hear your motion in return for the withdrawal by both yourself Ms Tyneham and Ms Farber from denouncing Ms Winterbottom as a witch – agreed?’

‘Let it be so.’

‘Ms Farber?’

‘Grrrrrrrr – oh, alright – but you owe me an ice cream!’

‘Why did we ever agree to chair this asylum, Klammis! Okay people, the amended motion is the withdrawal of the denunciation on Ms Winterbottom, and the renumeration to Ms Farber of one ice cream to be phased in with effect from the close of this session. Are we all agreed – and for plumbob’s sake say “Aye!” ‘

‘AYE!’

‘AYE!’

‘Ms Tyneham, you have the floor.’

‘Thank you. Mr Speaker, Madame Speaker, esteamed and honourable members of the Wotchyamacaulit of Lonely Island and its dependencies. After meticulous research by my sisters and I, looking back into ancient records and prophecies, it is my belief that we are in danger of some form of cataclysmic change befalling us soon that it is most circumspect that we prepare for with all haste.’

‘Ah pur-leeez! Not those old end-of-the-world ancient prophecies crap! Put it this way, they’ve been predicting an earthquake on this island for hundreds of years, and nothing…’

‘Mmmmr Sppppeeaaakeeer, aaaabooouuut thaaaaat eaaaarthquaaaaake thaaaat’s neeever gooooinnng tooooo haaaaaapeeeen…’

Part 2 To Follow