The Lonely Island Chronicles: Episode 8 – ‘Seasonal Affective Disorder’ (Part 1)

24 December, 2012

Lonely Island was created and owned by Rflong7/13, but was taken over by some undead Simmies for a bit of peace and quiet after involuntary resurrection from Ivy Hill Graveyard. It includes some others escaping from their own ‘life issues’, and is a sanctuary for the much maligned Butterfly of Doom and many other misunderstood species of Sims nature.

As evening falls over Lonely Island, a statutory meeting of the Wotchyamacaulit – the ruling council of the island and its dependencies – is in full swing. Let us enter and marvel at the uplifting sight of the democratic process in action.

‘…so I charge ye all to hear that I denounce thee Shrove Winterbottom as a witch, who has cavorted with her imps in diabolical orgies on the last Sabbeth and suckled them from her witch’s teat, therefore I ask for the courts permission to use the instruments at my disposal in order to find the witch’s mark upon her!’

‘Ms Farber, I must rule you are out of order with the chair and the agreed order of business of the Wotchyamacaulit.’

‘Ah come on, Klammis Idchai – ah, sorry, Madame Speaker! This session needed a bit of pepping up. Besides, I’ve got a whole new set of dungeon equipment and no one to try it out on!’

‘Madame Speaker, may I please propose a motion before the Thingymabob…’

‘Beowulf’s pants – it’s the Wotchyamacaulit, Cloverstardropper!’

‘Indeed Rowan! How many times do we have to remind you, you giglet?’

‘Ahem, as I was trying to say before I was so rudely interrupted by the joint last places of the 2012 Miss Suntan contest over here, I wish to propose a ban on the drinking of coffee before a session of the Wotchyamacaulit in order to ensure Haily doesn’t have any more of her little turns.’

‘Gordon Bennett! For the last time Switch, we are not going to pass a law making Sprite the only drink it is legal to buy, sell or import to this island just so you can get it cheaper from the shop!’

‘Oh pffft and buttwings! Just ‘cus it makes you livormorts parp like a brass band, Elysia!’

‘It makes everyone blow off, kid – you’re about the only person on the island whose stomach can stomach the stuff. I tried it before jumping into the swimming pool below the Gnubb Club – I ended up knowing exactly how Donald Campbell’s boat Bluebird K7 felt on the Coniston Water.’

‘Diggory, really!’

‘Oh, sorry Felicity, my dear.’

‘People, please! Can we have some order? We have an important agenda to get through before the close, and we haven’t the time to be deviating…’

‘I agree, Mr Chair. Let’s all do it back at my house!’

‘Ms Farber, please, restrain yourself!’

‘Only if there’s nothing on the telly.’

‘I’m giving you one last warning, before…’

‘Mr Speaker, Madame Speaker; if it please you, there is a matter of the greatest urgency which I prithee implore you on the behalf of myself and my sisters to bring to the notice of the chamber.’

‘No, no, a hundred times no. We’ve already discussed this in private, and I do not think it in the interests of the chamber that the matter be put before it.’

‘Very well, sir, you leave me with no choice – I denounce thee Shrove Winterbottom, vile harlot and strumpet as a witch, who did on the last Sabbeth day at dusk take part in blood rituals and did spoil cheeses and milk of her neighbours after the devil in the form of a brood mare had shod her!‘

‘Hey, are you telling me I was right? I only said that because this whole meeting today has been a trip to the planet snooze!’

‘No Haily, Willow’s simply using the old Witchcraft Act of this island to her advantage. If two members of the Wotchyamacaulit denounce another as a witch in the same session, all activities of the chamber must be suspended indefinitely until the accused is brought to trial, unless they both agree to withdraw it; which – no pun intended – I will guess is dependent on Willow getting to put her real motion before the chamber, am I right.’

‘Alright, alright, if it stops the entire of Lonely Island governance from grinding to a halt, we will hear your motion in return for the withdrawal by both yourself Ms Tyneham and Ms Farber from denouncing Ms Winterbottom as a witch – agreed?’

‘Let it be so.’

‘Ms Farber?’

‘Grrrrrrrr – oh, alright – but you owe me an ice cream!’

‘Why did we ever agree to chair this asylum, Klammis! Okay people, the amended motion is the withdrawal of the denunciation on Ms Winterbottom, and the renumeration to Ms Farber of one ice cream to be phased in with effect from the close of this session. Are we all agreed – and for plumbob’s sake say “Aye!” ‘

‘AYE!’

‘Ms Tyneham, you have the floor.’

‘Thank you. Mr Speaker, Madame Speaker, esteamed and honourable members of the Wotchyamacaulit of Lonely Island and its dependencies. After meticulous research by my sisters and I, looking back into ancient records and prophecies, it is my belief that we are in danger of some form of cataclysmic change befalling us soon that it is most circumspect that we prepare for with all haste.’

‘Ah pur-leeez! Not those old end-of-the-world ancient prophecies crap! Put it this way, they’ve been predicting an earthquake on this island for hundreds of years, and nothing…’