Sweet Rolls And Elder Scrolls – Episode Two

Okay, I’m waiting for you to tell me – what do I do next?

Ur, what are you doing?

No, wait, stop, don’t dematerialise and leave me on my tod!

Rat bastard.

Typical bloody man – leaving you to sort it all out yourself.

Ho the hum, may as well see what’s going down in this hood.

After that, where’s Kapn Kate?

(Old Boolprop Fight The Addiction False joke).

You see some of the weirdest people on an Elder Scrolls Online server on a Friday night.

I did not know this at the time, but Friday nights will often see a bunch of loonies dancing on the fountain, either dancing, playing musical instruments, being in their undergarments or all three concurrently.

It’s the ESO version of Freshers’ Week for students – some will be new players or more experienced players from guilds being silly together while drunk enough to realise kicking back is the better course of action to rushing into some dungeon together when blotto and ending up getting Leeroyjenkinsed by a bunch of skeevers.

Follow the dog. What could possibly go wrong?

Last time I did that it was in Grand Theft Auto V and all that happened was after an indepth philosophical debate with the dog I met this headcase with a recreational death wish.

There was also this time in Skyrim where I met the talking dog outside of Falkreath and…

… ur…

… maybe I should …

Look! Scooby, ur I mean Gilblets has found a clue!

That was a big help.

It wouldn’t be the Elder Scrolls without finding yourself dropped into a super groovy mystery before your first hour of free roaming was up, would it.

It can wait. I want to look around.

I always wondered what that annoying creepy man in the Winner Bingo advert done after work.

Okay, that’s enough looking around to last me today.

The answer is always of course to go though ‘the proper channels’, who will ignore it and will be in the middle of telling me it’s none of my business and they have matters well in hand when the baddies rush in to murder the king only for me to be there to save the day.

Think I’ll finish that story arc later. Killing all those assassins now coming after me in the middle of the street is good practice and they’ve got sellable loot on them.

The first sensible answer I’ve heard all night.

This is how I’m looking. An eighteen carat wimp with no armour, a poxy iron sword and a shield. That’s the other reason for staying out of fights for now. Besides, I’m much sooner look around this town of Daggerfall some more first.