Who Do You Do?

‘The Radio Times’ (a British weekly TV listings magazine people still buy instead of just looking it up on the net like everyone else for free) had a poll on who is their favourite Doctor Who (probably just to check and see who still cares after doing everything the last few years to kill it) with whatever readers it has left (it’s still the third biggest selling weekly magazine in the UK).

The results were:

1. David Tennant 10,518 / 21%

2. Jodie Whittaker 10,423 / 21%

3. Peter Capaldi 8,897 / 18%

4. Matt Smith 7,637 / 16%

5. Tom Baker 3,977 / 8%

6. William Hartnell 1,983 / 4%

7. Paul McGann 1,427 / 3%

8. Christopher Eccleston 1,144 / 2%

9. Jon Pertwee 1,038 / 2%

10. Patrick Troughton 915 / 2%

11. Sylvester McCoy 462 / 1%

12. Colin Baker 359 / 1%

13. Peter Davison 351 / 1%

Peter Davidson bottom of the poll is fair enough – you could always tell how bad any of them were by how much they were reliant on their assistants to shore up the show, and by the end of Davidson’s stint it was so reliant on Mark Strickson’s Turlough it was beyond embarrassing – the writers making him the only non-Time Lord/Time Lady capable of operating all the functions of a Tardis as they were forced to divert more of plank-of-wood Davidson’s intended set-pieces to the junior actor.

Hartnell about Pertwee and Christopher Eccleston? Would question whether those who voted for Hartnell had ever saw any other Doctor. Pertwee below McGann is laughable – the only ones who could have voted for the Monacled Mutineer are the same ones who vote for Timothy Dalton as the best James Bond, ie. voting for whoever they’d most like to have sex with.

But the biggest laugh of all is three of the worst Doctors ever – the token Wimmin who happened to be the producer’s pal, the ‘Och Ach The Noo See Yoo Jimmy!’ Brigadoon stereotype and Son Of The Elephant Man in places 2nd to 4th.

Better than Tom Baker? Better than Jon Pertwee?

Okay, pop quiz Whoovians: who is the only former companion to have made regular returns to the show long after leaving? The late Elisabeth Sladen aka Sarah Jane Smith. Original era before returning (a mere three decades later)? Jon Pertwee and Tom Baker.

You now have ten seconds to name a single one of Matt Smith, Peter Capaldi or Jodie Whittaker’s companions who weren’t already famous before joining the show. …

… 10, 9 , 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 … neeeerk! Sorry, time’s up!

Nope, sorry, Jenna Coleman doesn’t count – she was already famous/infamous for her four years as the randy vicar’s step-daughter in Emmerdale – that show really likes its stereotypes – the psycho in Waterloo Road and the princess in Xenoblade Chronicles for the Nintendo Wii. And if any of you say Bradley ‘The Chase’ Walsh, I will personally come round and cheese grate your nose and ears.

There’s a reason you were stuck, and that was the stories were shit, the acting shittier, hence that part of your brain which ought to remember doesn’t care. Elisabeth Sladen was a brilliant companion, and one of many, but had the major edge in being with great Doctors in great stories.

The only reason the post-Tennant Monster Of The Week Muppet Show got so many votes above the rest is what psychologists refer to as the primacy-recency effect: just as music polls on any artist’s best album will favour the more recent (not least of all because those who bought the earlier ones are unlikely to still be paying any attention to their output anymore and thus unlikely to vote).

But if the BBC (which still part owns the Radio Times via a holding company) needs to indulge in some self-validation of its own flawed choices over a decade, who am I to argue? It’s not like we’re all having to pay a licence fee or anything for the current crapfest … oh, hang on!