Harry Potter And The Double Entendres

There’s always been a risque element to the Potter series, with the likes of Ron asking Lavender Brown if he could see Uranus back in ‘Prisoner Of Askaban’ (now you know why she was completely filthy with him later) or Moaning Myrtle after voyeuring Cedric Diggory and Harry Potter in the bath.

Perhaps no surprise when magic is riddled (pardon the pun) with phallic symbolism such as wands, knifes and brooms, but the large number of nudge-nudge sentences appearing across the series you do have to wonder whether it was all on purpose?

If you want proof, look what happens when ‘wand’ is replaced by ‘willy’

[PS] – Philosopher’s Stone; [COS] – Chamber of Secrets; [POA] – Prisoner of Azkaban; [GOF] – Goblet of Fire; [OOTP] – Order of the Phoenix; [HBP] – Half Blood Prince; [DH] – Deathly Hallows.

He bent down and pulled his willy out of the troll’s nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy grey glue. [PS]

“As you can see, we are holding our willies in the accepted combative position.” [COS]

He looked up. Riddle was still watching him-twirling Harry’s willy between his long fingers. “Thanks.” said Harry, stretching out his hand for it. A smile curled the corners of riddles mouth. He continued to stare at Harry, twirling the willy idly. [COS]

But a reckless rage had come over Harry. He kicked his trunk open, pulled out his willy, and pointed it at Uncle Vernon. [POA]

He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his willy, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his willy at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them. [POA]

“EXPECTO PATRONUM!” Harry yelled. Nothing happened. Harry gripped his willy tighter and shook it up and down until a thick, whispy white substance protruded from the end of it. [POA]

Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his willy. [POA]

“Willy weighing?” Harry repeated nervously. “We have to check that your willies are fully functional, no problems you know, as they’re your most important tools in the task ahead.” said Bagman … Harry looked down at his own Willy. He could see finger marks all over it… Harry rubbed his willy feverishly until white sparks shot out of the end, which earned him a disapproving look from Fleur. [GOF]

Moody raised his willy, and Harry felt a sudden thrill of foreboding. [GOF]

Cedric Diggory emerged in his entirety from the end of Voldemort’s willy, as though it was squeezing its self out of a very narrow tunnel. [GOF]

Panting, Harry fell forwards over the hydrangea bush, straightened up and stared around. There were several faces peering through various nearby windows. Harry stuffed his willy hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent. [OOTP]

‘Get – off – me!’ Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised willy. [OOTP]

“Just because you can use magic now does not mean you have to whip your willies out for everything!” [OOTP]

He and all the other Weasleys froze on the threshold, gazing at the scene in front of them, which was also suspended in mid-action, both Sirius and Snape looking toward the door with their willies pointing into each other’s faces and Harry immobile between them … Both Sirius and Snape lowered their willies … the unexpected entrance of so many witnesses seemed to have brought them to their senses … “But what’s going on?” asked Mr. Weasley. “Nothing, Arthur,” said Sirius, who was breathing heavily as though he had just run a long distance. [OOTP]

Snape lay panting on the ground. James and Sirius advanced on him, willies raised. [OOTP]

Then, with a sigh, he raised his willy and prodded the silvery substance with its tip. [OOTP]

But even as he shouted, another jet of green light flew at Dumbledore from Voldemort’s willy and the snake struck. [OOTP]

“It’s time you learned the difference between life and dreams Potter,” said Malfoy. “Now give me the prophecy, or we start using willies.” “Go, on then,” said Harry, raising his own willy to chest height. [OOTP]

“There was no need to stick the wand in that hard,” he said gruffly, clambering to his feet. “It hurt.” [HBP]

Dumbledore drew his willy out of the inside of his robes and placed the tip into his own silvery hair, near his temple. When he took the willy away, hair seemed to be clinging to it – but then Harry saw that it was in fact a glistening strand of the same strange silvery-white substance that filled the Pensieve. [HBP]

Lost in visions of this happy prospect, he flicked his willy a little too enthusiastically, so that instead of producing the fountain of pure water that was the object of that day’s Charms lesson, he let out a hose like jet that ricocheted off the ceiling and knocked Professor Flitwick flat on his face. [HBP]

Harry lay curled on the dark grass, clutching his willy and panting. [HBP]

Ron struggled for a moment before managing to extract his willy from his trousers. “It’s no wonder I can’t get it out, Hermione, you packed my old jeans, they’re tight!” “Oh, I’m so sorry,” hissed Hermione, and Harry heard her mutter a suggestion as to where Ron could stick his willy instead. [DH]

Lupin drew his willy so fast that Harry had barely the chance to reach for his own [DH]

Harry was too excited to care: the memory had come back to him at the sight of Krum’s willy: Ollivander taking it and examining it carefuly before the Triwizard Tournament. [DH]

Rowling, you dirty, dirty girl!