Haily Farber Makes A Special Announcement Against Filth And Degeneracy In Sims 3

There now follows an official statement from the Commitee Of Public Decency of the Wotchyamacaulit – formed five minutes ago because the Christmas telly is crap again.

Bastard BBC! The citizens would partake in a mass withholding of their TV licence money if it weren’t pirating the BBC’s broadcast signals in the first place.

‘Good evening all members of the swinish multitude of the Simming community. It has come to our attention that a tital wave of filth and degeneracy has swept down upon our world like never before.

‘Once it was confined merely to the activities of one or two basement dwellers in the community making mods for several thousand cave dwellers who need Sims 3 as a sex aid as the last human to ever come into contact with their wrinkly nethers was the school nurse saying “cough!”.

‘But now we find such filth as prostitots appearing on the EA forum exchange and homosexual asparagus setting up a solar cannon to destroy the sun with their gay beam. Something needed to be done, and we at Jazz-Hands have decided to put our foot down with a firm hand!’

‘That is why you need to download Fappy The Dolphin and his Friends into your game, and do your bit to stem the tide of filth threatening to swamp our great Sims 3 community. Together we can make our world wholesome again!’

‘We’re only standing here smiling readers because she’s got Willow pointing a 20 mm cannon at us.’

‘Shhhh Switch, they might hear us! Their medication will wear off in about an hour. It was your fault giving them Red Bull Codeine cocktails in the first place!’