An Educational Post For The Nintendo Corporation

今晩は, こんばんは, Good evening, all that sorta stuff.

This is the Isle Of Man.

It has one of the oldest continuous legislative assemblies in the world, the Tynwald, celebrated annually on 5th July at what resembles a large landscape gardened penis.

Its main industry is money laundering. You can have your yen washed, pressed, dry-cleaned, no job too big or small, no questions asked. Along with providing a safe haven for tax-dodgers, Interpol dodgers, soap dodgers and Bond villain types.

Other main industries are:

1. Euthanising idiots on motorbikes in the annual TT Races (TT stands for Tourist Trophy but Terminating Twits is more accurate). Those that survive are eaten by the Moddey Dhoo.

2. Being cheaper than even the Irish for making Hollywood movies on.

3. Getting the fairies to set the rain on you and mess up your wireless broadband if you forget to say ‘festyr mie’ when crossing bridges (not only the Fairy Bridge) connections.

4. Declarating fatwas against A A Gill every time he does a review of a restaurant on the Isle of Man. On second thoughts that’s the national sport.

It’s main exports (apart from weird stuff from the sea and alcoholic beverages illegal elsewhere in the Solar System) are:

1. Tailless cats with pervy walks.

2. Loaghtan Sheep that look like they belong in Middle Earth.

3. Falsetto hairy singers with big gold medallions and even bigger shiny teeth called the Bee Gees. They’re all dead now except for one of them.

4. Skinny cosplayers called Rebecca Flint (Beckii Cruel) that sing, dance and search for ‘The Mysterious Cities Of Gold’ or something (she’s also a Simmer, so there’s your token Sims reference for this post. Ha!). You should at least know her. Most of your executives probably have her posters all over their walls. Oh yes you do.

5. Ghosts of mongooses that talk, pick Grand National winners and rewrite international libel laws. Stick your insurance selling meerkats.

(Gef the talking mongoose as Chief Minister for the win!)

That’s the more normal ones. Don’t even ask about the weird bits.

Where is this magical place in the world?

That’s right! Right inbetween Ireland and Great Britain!

Therefore it is in the same region and should not be blocked off your Nintendo 3DS download sites as being in a region not covered by Nintendo because you shower of skeets are too lazy to read a map and think it’s somewhere off the coast of Africa or whereever, so anyone on the Isle of Man (and for that matter the Channel Islands) has to pretend to be English to get any downloads or system updates.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!